The Last Chance Series
by cltaylor
Summary: Series containing three stories: Last Glance, Last Time and Last Gamble. Steph takes a look at her life and decides she needs to make a decision between Joe and Ranger.
1. Last Glance

**The Last Chance Series: **A Full Length Fluff Encounter  
**_With Your Host and Author: _**Christie**_ (MagnificentSin)_**

_**Series Stats:  
**__**Stories: Three: Last Glance, Last Time and Last Gamble.  
**__**Chapters: Seventeen (17)  
**__**Pages: 76  
**__**Words: 30,473**_

_**Rating**: R-NC17. The rating is for everything adult in nature. If the word fuck bothers you, than you probably shouldn't read this or any of my other fiction pieces. If smut, fluff and other subjects of that nature irk you, than this story isn't for you. This is a general emotion piece of fluff. Some laughter, some tears and some smut. _

_**Disclaimer**: I didn't think of them, I didn't create them, and I sure as hell didn't get to copyright them. All characters are owned by JE, Evanovich Inc. and et al. JE is gracious enough to allow her fans to play for fun and I appreciate that. Besides, we all know what I'd be doing with Ranger if he were mine. I sure as hell wouldn't be wasting my time writing fiction when I could be living it._

_**Spoilers**: You can expect to spoil yourself all the way through Twelve Sharp-Plum Lovin' for this particular series._

_**A/N**: I started writing this to work on my characterization and had planned on not posting it. I sent it to Stayce to check my characterization and much to my dismay, found myself promising to post as soon as possible. LOL. So here it is, Stayce. Thanks for all you do and all the support you show me. You know, without you, I'd never post anything. It would sit on my shelf and collect dust like so many other things I've written. You are my muse when mine has flown the coup and I couldn't have found a better person for the job._

_P.I, you're a doll, babe. Thanks for this song. I know I promised something almost six months ago. We all know how good I am with promises. LOL._

* * *

**Last Glance  
**_First in the Series: Last Chance__

* * *

_

_It doesn't matter what I want  
It doesn't matter what I need  
It doesn't matter if I cry  
Don't matter if I bleed  
You've been on a road  
Don't know where it goes or where it leads_

_First Verse: "It Doesn't Matter" by Alison Krauss_

* * *

_Chapter One:_

I threw the keys on the kitchen counter along with my pocketbook and headed straight to the bedroom. I shut the door behind me and assumed the thinking position on my bed. This position had helped me through a few trouble areas throughout my life and there was no other time I needed the help more than now. I had been stalling for months, wandering around in my daily life not making any decisions, just going with the flow.

The creepiness I'd felt over what had happened in my living room had finally stopped bugging me, but I was left alone with one thought that just kept replaying over and over like a broken record every night before I fell asleep.

Life could change in the blink of an eye.

It wasn't something you could expect or even brace for, and when it happened you had to make a decision in a split second that you knew would change your life forever. My life changed and I didn't know how to fix it. I'd always been the master of denial and for some reason it just wouldn't work for me this time. It was frustrating and aggravating; and frankly it left me pissed off more often than not. I was in a constant state of unknowing and I couldn't stand it anymore. Maybe it was time I made good on that threat to get in my Mini and keep driving until I got to Hawaii.

This was the point in the story where my name would normally be stated, but not this time. At this point in the game my name is synonymous with disaster and that should be enough to let you know that I was in a helluva mess once again.

For months now, I'd been walking on eggshells around the two men in my life. Joe Morelli, a Homicide Detective with the Trenton Police Department and Carlos Manoso, street named Ranger, who is the CEO of RangeMan LLC, fellow bounty hunter and sometimes boss.

When a psycho named Edward Scrog assumed Ranger's identity and kidnapped his daughter, Julie; I learned a little something about myself. I learned it was possible to be in love with two totally different men. I learned that sometimes no matter how long you've been in denial about something; it eventually rises to the surface and rears its ugly head in the middle of a crisis when you could really use the ability to stay cool. The denial was ugly, but the facing the truth of the matter was uglier. I had a real dilemma. I was going to have to make a choice, and maybe that choice wouldn't be today, but it would be sometime in the near future and when the time came I still wouldn't know what to do. I would be cutting a man out of my life that I was still in love with, and that thought frightened the hell out of me. Even admitting that to myself was scary enough. I couldn't imagine life without one or the other.

Something about my relationship with Joe had changed after the night that Ranger was shot. It was as though Joe had had the same epiphany as I had. He was shell-shocked from the admittance of love, even though he had known that I did and even more shocked that it had come directly after me witnessing Ranger gunned down in front of me.

For years I've loved Joe. Through all the petty fights and arguments, the moving in and moving out of his house, all of it was our history and I was alright with that. I told Joe I loved him and things couldn't have been more awkward between us after that. He thought it meant I was ready for more and I needed time. He was pushy and arrogant like he'd won a game and all that time he just wasn't listening to me. So we went back through the cycle of fighting and arguing until we blew up past a point of no return and when it was all said and done, we said goodbye for a few weeks. But as the cycle continues, we came to terms and he agreed that he would lay off me and we would take things slow.

It was as though when I admitted that I loved him I admitted that I wasn't _in_ love with him anymore at the same time. Now our relationship had become comfortable, and not the good kind that you see in older married couples after they'd been married for thirty years. I'm talking about the kind of comfortable that you don't know if you are just friends with benefits or just stuck in a rut, looking for a way out.

For the last few years, it was assumed by everyone in the Burg that Joe and I would spend the rest of our lives together. And frankly, even though Joe and I had had a few close calls, I really didn't know if I could see myself assuming the housewife role. The few times I can remember actually wanting to play that role with him, he'd shot me down. Early in our relationship, Joe had only been interesting in getting me into bed. At first I played hard to get with Joe until my hormones got the better of me, and the one time turned into two times, and so on and so forth. We no longer could define our relationship in regards to each other. Would I call him my boyfriend? No, not at all. Joe was many things in my life but a boyfriend wasn't one of those things. He was my lover who I happened to share an interesting history with, but boyfriend… No such thing as a boyfriend when you get to our age. It would belittle everything we had had together. To call him "my boyfriend" would almost be insulting.

This was emotional torture. I was an adult with adult options and couldn't figure out what was bothering me so much about being torn between two incredible men.

Well…

So that wasn't quite the truth. I knew partial what my answer was hung up on; the unknown.

For as long as Joe has been back in my life tormenting me on a weekly basis, Ranger has been as well. At first, Ranger and I had a working relationship only. Business associates, mentor to student. Ranger had been patient with me, showing me the ropes to bounty hunting. There had always been something between us. I couldn't really pinpoint the exact moment things shifted from strictly business associates to friends. It seemed so effortless, but I could tell you the exact point when our relationship shifted from friends to something else: something raw and undefined. It was much stronger than passion, though I can admit that when his lips touched mine for the first time that the overwhelming urge to get him naked at the first available opportunity crossed my mind. I could deny it at first because I knew what Ranger wanted and it was the same thing that needed as well. I thought that one time could get him out of my system, but I needed a way to do it and not feel guilty about making the choice. Ranger gave me the option I needed and made it where I would have no way out. The night was something that I would never regret for the rest of my life. All the heartache the next morning and disappointment I felt, I had expected from him. I didn't tell myself that to lessen the pain it caused, but it was necessary for the both of us. No excuses, no regrets, no recriminations. It was just one blissful night with no interruptions, no outside world to stand between us, just a man and woman who could deny everything between them in the light of day. And knew in the morning that they would both be left with wanting more.

I knew what I was getting myself into when I made that damned deal with him. I just didn't realize that I was as attached to him as much as I was before that night. I was emotionally attached to him since before his lips touched mine that only confirmed it. I thought it was lust, and I was wrong. Lust goes away; it doesn't fester into full blown emotional attachment to another person and especially not to a man like Ranger. He's a lone wolf, destined to roam the Earth alone, dedicating his life to serving others even if it is for his own monetary gain. For me to think that I could fit into his life was an idiotic thought if I'd ever heard of one. Until recently.

For the few months leading up to the Scrog incident, something changed in our relationship. It was unnerving at first, though it transitioned so easily that I didn't notice until it was already done. Ranger and I were in a relationship. And not a friend type of relationship, we were like a partnership, equal on all fronts. He was still the alpha male, puff out his chest and pound on it like a caveman when he felt that I should listen to him; but I wasn't being smothered. There were no expectations, no demands on what I could accomplish and what I couldn't. It was a compromise. It was something I wasn't used to and had been so comfortable with the fact that I made my own decisions about what I wanted to do for so long that I didn't realize that Ranger had learned how to influence me into doing the right thing.

I was finally to a point in my relationship with Joe where he wasn't constantly screaming about how I had to quit my job and our relationship had gone flat. The sex was still great, but there was more to a relationship than sex unless you're just fuck buddies and that was about all we were now. I'd let it get to that point and let it stay that way for the simple fact that if I decided how to handle everything I would be making a decision for my future and I couldn't do that. I couldn't decide what I really wanted in the future because the future was still in the future. If I made the decision who was right for right now, I was afraid that I would make the wrong choice and would be left wondering "what if" for the rest of my life. That wasn't fair to either of them, and certainly not myself. I'd come so far; I just didn't want to throw it all away quite yet. I had the right to be selfish about this, and yet… I didn't.

I sighed. This was fucking exhausting. This sort of deep thought wasn't something I made a habit of practicing and with a good reason. I wasn't the best at making the right choice. I let my heart rule over my head way to many times and it usually got me into trouble. Problem was that I didn't know how to stonewall my heart from not caring and how to get my mind to overrule my wayward heart.

I shot a glance over at the alarm clock and groaned. I had a distraction job to do tonight for Ranger and if I didn't get up and start getting ready, I'd never be ready in time. I couldn't even come up with a good reason behind why I was doing this in the first place. Yeah, I could always use the money because shoes didn't come cheap, but the pressure to perform and be around Ranger was getting to me. It was hard to keep my feelings to myself, and ever since I admitted to myself that I was in love with Ranger, I found myself watching him a little bit more than I used to before the shooting. But I wasn't alone in that matter. I had caught Ranger several times watching me from across the room before he could look away. There was something in his eyes that had changed and it scared me. It told me that if I didn't make the right decision, I wouldn't be the only one wondering "what if".

I sucked in a deep breath and pulled myself up and off of my bed. I had other things to think about tonight, I warned myself. Just get this night over with and without a hitch. Be a professional… Ha! I snorted. Being a professional for me was like hell freezing over; it just wasn't ever going to happen. I happened to love my job, loved the fact that I could come and go as I pleased, and got to use my spidey sense for the greater good of the community; but there were some times that I just wanted to forget all about the bad and console myself with only the good in everyone. Going on a distraction job was not the way to do that.

I padded into the bathroom and turned on the shower, listening to the pipes groan from old age and the blast of cold water pound on the back of the shower. The water quickly heated up and the steam began to roll over the top of the shower curtain. I peeled off my clothes, letting them fall to the floor and stepped in, cringing at first from the sting of hot water, but I stood there until I was used to it. I stood there forever, letting the water wipe away all the bad thoughts, all the wrong decisions and decisions still left to make. I knew what I wanted and what was reality were two different things. I heaved a heavy sigh and finished up my shower, knowing that Ranger would be early to pick me up and I was running way late. All I needed at this point was for Ranger to catch me just in my towel, freshly showered. I shivered and it wasn't from bad thoughts. The thought of standing in front of Ranger, clad in only a towel, brought on feelings of excitement and anxiety. As he once said; it would be good, everything I thought it would be and more, but it wouldn't be _good_ for either of us.

I swiped off the mirror and swathed myself in moisturizer, taking time to dab on some Dolce Vita while my skin was still damp. I opened up the bathroom door and went straight to the closet to think about what I was going to do about tonight. The skip I was going after tonight for Ranger was not overly dangerous as he was volatile. Just a shoe designer that had put the spiked end of a heel through his lover's head. Nah, nothing violent about that, I thought, shivering as I thought about a heel sticking out of my head. Just thinking about it had my eye twitching.

The guy would have come to me by default, but he was Tank's height and a kickboxing instructor, so I lost him to Ranger for the greater good of my safety. But lucky, lucky me was still going to get in on the action tonight. All I had to do was lure him out with my ultra slutty Jersey girl charm and the Merry Men were going to do the rest.

I pulled out a short black spandex skirt that had slits on either side and examined it stretching the waistband out to make sure I could still fit into it. I looked at it, and look down at my waist line. Damn, I thought. I needed to run more often. Mom's words were starting to come back and haunt me. I was losing the Hungarian Cake Eating Abilities. Where and what was the world coming to and how was I going to eat the massive amounts of leftover cake on Sunday nights? Jeez, how could my luck get any worse?

I tossed the skirt on the bed behind me and rummaged through finding a few things that would possible work, but I was still undecided. Really I was just stalling myself, trying to think of a way out of this tonight. Any girl could play a distraction. All I had to do was call Ranger and tell him I wasn't up to play the role tonight and he could check his black book for another…

Stop, I told myself. If he had a black book it wouldn't be any of your business. It had been over a year since the one and only spectacular bedroom romp with Ranger, and you've stopped him each time you had even got the slightest bit hot and heavy with him. So don't condone him for something that isn't even your business in the first place.

Considering the number of times I had been laid since then, it would only be right for Ranger to be doing the same thing. Who was I to look down on that, to get jealous when I was the one stiff arming him, pushing him away at every chance I got, I asked myself, tapping my hands on the closet door. He had to be a sadist, I thought. Because I had been dishing out the punishment for the last year like it was going out of style.

All of the close calls, all of the times of unfinished business and he had never come collecting. It made me wonder, it made me think twice about our relationship as a whole and I didn't like that. I liked when things were clean cut and simple, but my relationship with Ranger was so complex that it was unexplainable.

I went to the bed and started shifting through everything I had laid out. I decided on a short denim skirt and a black tank top. I pulled out my newest addition to my closet, a pair of black peep-toed stilettos and tossed them on the bed beside the rest of the clutter and walked back into the bathroom to ready myself. After all the thinking I had been doing, I had the urge to hide behind a few hundred layers of eyeliner and mascara. When in doubt, use layers. I always used mascara for courage and I needed it tonight, now more than ever. My nerves were raw and without faked bravado on my side, no telling what would come out of my mouth tonight.

_That was the last thing I needed. _

I stole a glance at the bedside alarm as I heard the locks tumble on the front door. If it had been Morelli, he would've used the key. So I knew without a doubt that it was Ranger. He was early. Not that it was a surprise, I thought to myself. I knew he was going to get here early with his sick sense of humor, I knew that he got his kicks by trying to catch me off guard as I was just getting out of the shower. Must have been that time I was handcuffed to the shower rod, I mused. If only I would have someone else to call on to uncuff me, he wouldn't be trying to catch me at it again.

"Yo! You could've knocked!"

I heard the steady fall of his boots through the entryway and into the kitchen, and as the footsteps got heavier, my stomach knotted with what could only describe as first date jitters. I took a deep breath. Just because I knew how I felt about Ranger didn't mean he knew as well.

I stood in front of the door with just a towel wrapped around me as the doorknob began to turn and Ranger slipped into my bedroom. I raised an eyebrow at him as he took in my towel.

"Hoping to catch me off guard?" I said, putting a hand on my hip, holding the mascara wand like a deadly weapon.

The corners of Ranger's mouth twitched and he flashed me a 200-watt grin, "Babe."

I rolled my eyes, "Don't babe me, Ranger. I knew you were going to be early. Get out so I can get ready."

Ranger's eyes darkened and he took a step towards me, and I instinctively took a step back. As much as I trust Ranger, I didn't trust myself around him. Just because he was fully clothed in his normal work attire, didn't mean my hormones weren't shouting for me to jump him.

I held up my hand, "Stop where you are. No funny business tonight."

Ranger took another step towards me and grabbed a hold of my hand holding the mascara wand, pulling me into him. I bounced into his solid chest and Ranger wrapped an arm around me like a steel band, pinning me to him.

"Why aren't you dressed, babe?" Ranger breathed into my ear, "If you knew I was going to be early, why didn't you throw some clothes on?"

I tipped my head back and looked at him unabashedly. There was the unmistakable curl of heat stirring low and waking up parts of me I was trying hard to ignore. "Because you have an iron will of control."

He frowned down at me, "You can't be serious."

I narrowed my eyes and tried to jerk away from him, "I am. All work and no play. Life without attachments." I shrugged my shoulder, "I know the drill."

Ranger's grip tightened on me and he continued to stare down at me like I'd grown three heads. I pulled at my wrist again and Ranger squeezed my wrist gently before he let it go. "Stop looking at me like that. You know it's the truth. And at this rate, I'm never going to get ready."

Ranger reacted quicker than I could react; pinning me up against him, pressing me firmly along the hard edge of his body. He kissed me long and hard, his tongue swept in when I gasped and I melted into him. My brain was screaming for a Ranger induced orgasm, and my brain wasn't the only thing screaming for it. My whole body was alive at the thought.

When Ranger pulled away from me, I was breathless and it was a struggling to get my breathing under control. Ranger seemed to be struggling with the effort as well. It was nice to know that I wasn't the only one affected like this.

"Iron will of control, babe?" Ranger said, his voice was deep and hoarse, "You want to know what I want to do to you with this iron will of control you think that I have?"

I felt the head coursing through me as it was radiating off of him. I had a really good idea of what Ranger wanted to do to me, and I was one hundred percent positive that it would require a bed. I raised my eyes to him and he held my gaze, the dark pools mesmerizing me as I thought about what it would mean for me to press myself back into him and show him exactly what I wanted to do to him as well.

_But that wouldn't be good for either of us, I reminded myself. _

His eyes seemed to smolder as he continued to stare into my eyes and I found myself holding my breath, waiting for that moment when Ranger would just take control and make the decision for me. And when he took the step forward to pull me to him once more, I used every ounce of my willpower to take a step backwards and break the trance. _I couldn't believe I was going to do this, he was going to give me an out and I wasn't going to take it,_ "We can't do this, Ranger."

It was like something being turned off. The very instant the words were out of my mouth, I wanted to take them back. Ranger turned his emotions off, and walked back out of my bedroom without another word.

I heaved a heavy sigh as the door clicked closed and realized I had been holding my breath. The fact of the matter was, as much as I would've enjoyed it, I would regret it. I loved him but I couldn't use him, and that's what it would be- using him to make the decision for me. I'd done it once before without his consent when it came to "the deal" and I swore to myself I'd never do it again, no matter how much I wanted him. If I can't make the decision myself without being in the heat of the moment, then I don't need to go there. Yet.

I went through the motions of getting ready for the night, throwing my clothes on, double checking my make-up, changing my clothes four hundred time before settling on the first outfit I'd picked out and finishing off with my shoes. I was primed and ready to go; I just had to tell myself to be brave. This was no different than any time before, though those times had been few and far between. I just had to remember to keep my cool and be professional-like.

This wasn't the first time I had wanted Ranger and denied myself with the childish stupidity of doing the right thing, I told myself, get a grip. Do your job, act like it doesn't bother you and move on. You will be thanking God when you realize if you pull away now, when he walks out of your life, it won't hurt as bad. I raised my eyes to the mirror and stared at my reflection. I could see the truth staring back at me. Who was I kidding? It would hurt when he walked away this time and I couldn't bear the thought of it. I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to admit to him that I loved him because…

Because…

I frowned. I could come up with at least a half of dozen lame ass excuses of why I flirted with danger. Playing with Ranger was like tempting fate, playing with fire. You knew that you could get hurt, but it just felt so damn good to feel alive that I couldn't help myself. But the real reason was that I wasn't ready to commit to love. I couldn't commit to it half-assed and wake up one morning to never see him again. To roll over in bed, and his side not be slept in, frighteningly cold and lonely. To call to him, and get no answer. To watch him retreat when we got too close.

Fool me once, shame on me.

Fool me twice, and well-

I didn't even want to think about it.

I pushed away from the sink and tapped in my reserve of courage. I could do anything and be anything, I told myself, plastering a smile on my face. I reached the bedroom door and hesitated. I listened at the door for a second. I could hear the TV and Rex running on his wheel, but none of the tale tell signs that another person occupied the apartment. I eased the door opened and padded quietly towards the living room. The smile on my face turned genuine as I thought about Ranger sitting on the couch, slouched, watching ESPN. See, I told myself, he can be a normal guy.

But he's not normal. And neither are you. Don't be delusional.

"I can hear you breathing," he said quietly, "Want to tell me why you're sneaking around in your own apartment? Or do I even want to know?"

I fidgeted nervously and turned back around, "You don't want to know."

I heard Ranger get up and walk behind me to the door. I leaned over the counter to reach for my pocketbook and I heard a sharp intake behind me. I half turned my head and raised an eyebrow, "It's not like you haven't seen my legs before."

"Yeah, but I like to think of them wrapped around me and not on display for every creep looking for a free show."

I clenched my jaw and sucked in a deep breath. I counted to ten, trying to keep my temper in check before it got the best of me. I snatched my pocketbook up and didn't bother to check the contents, "You sound like Joe, Ranger. You gonna start drinking the Maalox by the case load too?"

I heard a growl, but I was wisely walking out the door without looking back.

_See, I didn't need this._

* * *

_Chapter Two:_

I was sitting in the passenger seat of the truck with Ranger. Ranger was quiet, which wasn't unusual for him, but I could feel the tension fuming off of him. The Joe comment stung a little bit, I decided, and was probably not deserved but I was having a hard time feeling sorry for him after that. If he wanted to be an ass, far be it by me to change his mind, but I wasn't going to take it laying down like a doormat. Not anymore.

I cut my eyes to him, watching him as he pulled up about a block away from the bar. I held my hand out for the wire and he looked at my hand and gave me a look that said, "No way, babe."

"This isn't my first time," I said. "I know how to put on the wire. Just let me do it."

The streetlight gleamed off his white teeth as he grinned, more of an I-got-you-now grin, as he grabbed a hold of my hand and pulled me half way over the console. His lips were close to my ear, his fingers brushing in circles over my wrist, "Would you deny me one of the best parts of the night, babe?"

His other hand with the wire slid underneath the hem of my tank top and danced upward towards the shelf bra of the tank. We both sucked in a breath when his fingertips brushed the underside of my breast, "Steph… You're not wearing a bra."

I suddenly had a flash of heat shoot down my spine so hot I fought hard not to push myself more firmly against him. I bit my lower lip as I felt his fingers place the wire and remain a second longer, "I'm ready."

Ranger turned his face to mine and our eyes held for a moment. I was ready in so many ways. His lips brushed my forehead, along my brow, as his lips poised just a breath away; I turned away and cleared my throat.

"Right," Ranger said. He dropped my wrist and I pulled myself back into the passenger seat, and avoided his gaze. I could see him in the reflection of the passenger side window, and watched as he pulled out the transmitter and flipped it on, "You're live, babe. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

I put my hand on the door handle and paused a second. I wasn't in the frame of mind to do this tonight. I opened my mouth to tell him that and shut it, I needed the money. The bonds office business was slow, I didn't have anyone jumping bail and it wasn't looking up any time soon. I needed this. I would have time to think about all this later, but it was time to shove it all back down.

I pushed open the door and stepped out onto the concrete. I looked back at Ranger, and did my best to smile. "Wish me luck."

There was a brief flicker of emotion in Ranger's eyes and as quick as I saw it, it was gone, "Go get 'em, tiger."

* * *

Snagging a pissed off, depressed thirty-five year old man had been relatively easy, if you considered having your drink dumped down your tank top and half a dozen bottles of liquor thrown at your head, _easy_.

It had been easy, I told myself, up to the point where we disagreed about my choice of shoes. It was up to that point that realized I wasn't dealing with a man I could easily string along with flashing him a bit of T and A. I had to pull out the big guns for likes of Hudson Grey and that was shoes. Initially, I started up the conversation the normal way, lonely girl whose dickhead of a boyfriend ditched her; I could play that role well. Turns out that Hudson knew that all to well himself and was feeling real sympathetic. After catching his boyfriend and his boyfriend's newest accessory, a younger version of Patrick Dempsey, Hudson's legendary temper flared and he put his newest creation right between the eyes of the new accessory.

Hudson was in the bar drowning his sorrows in a few dozen cosmos tonight, regretting his decision to toss his ex-boyfriend's stuff out of the second story window of their condo and setting it all on fire (something that I had done to Dickie, the horse's ass, when I caught Joyce riding him like the rodeo on my new kitchen table), so I could sympathize. We had a few drinks, exchanged a few carefully worded barbs about men and then he had to go and ruin my fun by commenting about my shoes.

He waved his finger over my shoes and made the tsking sound my mother makes when she finds out I blew it with Morelli- again. "Honey, honey, honey! I wasn't going to say anything but I feel as though I must! Those shoes. All wrong for you. You need a three inch platform. This will give you better calf definition and help you look a bit younger. I'm feeling a bit of inspiration coming on. You could be my new muse." He looked me up and down, and frowned a bit, "Been riding in the saddle for a while now, honey?"

Now, I'm a Jersey girl. I was born here, and I was raised here. I can tolerate a few sarcastic comments about things we as Jersey girls know as the truth. Big hair, lots of mascara… things of that nature. But shoes… my shoes are sacred and not up for discussion.

I narrowed my eyes, "I happen to like these shoes. What's wrong with them?"

He batted his eyes at me like I was a depraved fashion victim, "They are _so_ 1999. Trust me, you'll thank me later." And with that, he took my shoes off and tossed them behind the bar.

So I came _a little_ unglued. Who could blame me? Really.

I might have made a few comments about his shoes and then it escalated from there, but I really couldn't remember. Though, now I regret my comment on corked heels after I narrowly missed a bottle of vodka to the temple, but hey… you live and you learn, right?

It was a good thing that Lester and Junior were on the inside with me, because a few more minutes alone with Hudson Grey and I was pretty sure my head would have been mush. After Junior had wrestled Hudson to the ground with him squealing in delight over Lester, Ranger came strolling in, as casual as you please.

"Well strip me naked and call me Hudsy, I think I've died and gone to heaven!" Hudson exclaimed, his gaze darted from Lester, to Junior and then to Ranger. He looked Ranger up and down, like a giant candy cane he was looking to lick, Ranger didn't look amused but that didn't deter Hudson. Hudson looked at me eagerly, "Oh, I can't believe my luck. Where and how do I sign on the dotted line to work with these men?"

Huh, apparently there were no hard feelings, I thought. Ranger raised an eyebrow at me and I faked a smile for Hudson's sake, "Sorry, Hudson. They've got about all they can handle with me working for them, but I'll mention you to the boss man the next time he has an opening. I hear he's always looking for a man with good instincts."

Ranger crossed his arms over his chest. Lester and Junior exchanged glances before Junior turned to escort Hudson Grey out the door. Hudson paused for a second longer, looking at Ranger, "Honey, I'll instinct the hell out of the boss man if he looks anything like him." Hudson walked out the door in front of Junior and I could hear him saying, "Mmm, mmm, mmm" as he was escorted out and Lester backed away from Ranger and me.

Ranger gave me a look and Lester's eye twitched. I can't say that I blame him; usually that sort of look doesn't bode well for the recipient.

"And this is where I exit." Lester said, shifting uncomfortably. He backpedaled out the same door Junior had just gone out of, shaking his head, mumbling that I was insane to goad Ranger like that.

Ranger looked me up and down before grabbing a hold of my elbow and escorting me out the back way of the bar. When we got outside, I jerked my elbow away from him and stalked off to the truck. Ranger caught up to me when I was just about five feet from the truck, grabbing a hold of my elbow and jerking me back against him.

"What was that all about?"

I whipped around and pushed at him, "Don't manhandle me, Ranger."

His grip tightened for a second but he let go, "What's with you tonight, babe? I can tell something's bothering you."

I pushed past him, noticing Rangeman had cleared out, and the bar was back to normal. It was just me and Ranger, locked into a standoff of willpower, "Nothing. Nothing is bothering me. I just want to go home. I've done my duty for the night and now all I want to do is take a shower and go to bed. Is that so hard to believe?"

I reached the passenger side door, but it was locked. I shot Ranger a look from over my shoulder, "Are you gonna unlock this or am I gonna have to stand here all night?"

"I'll unlock it when you tell me what's going on."

I stared at him for a moment, "Unlock this door."

"Stephanie."

"Ranger, for the love of God, just unlock the damned door and take me home."

He stood there for a second longer before beeping the truck unlocked. I jerked open the door and slammed it shut behind me. My breathing was coming rushed, hurting when I took too deep of a breath. There was a huge difference between knowing the truth and voicing the truth to the person, and it hurt. I stared out the window and watched as Ranger stood there for a moment, eyes fixed on window I was staring out of. I thought for the briefest of seconds that he was going to walk to me and rip open the door, but he didn't. He walked over to the driver's side and stepped in quietly, silently brooding to himself. Ranger was behind me, getting into the truck quietly. He was being careful to keep his anger in check, though it was obvious to me that he was fuming. This was what I didn't like about Ranger. When he got pissed, he got quiet, and it wasn't in my nature to be quiet when I was pissed off. I didn't like that he could control himself to the point that he stifled every bit of emotion impulse. At first it was a challenge, and then it was just damn annoying and now it was to a point that I was willing to go the extra mile to push him to the edge to see if he'd push me back. I'd seen it a few times when his temper had gotten the better of him, but they had been extreme situations, mostly having to do with my safety.

I cut my eyes to him, "Can we get on with it?"

Ranger pinned me with a single look that scared the breath right out of me, "You're pushing your luck, babe."

So he was a little bit more pissed than I originally thought.

I settled into my seat and mindlessly watched the scenery, not because I wanted to, but mostly because I was tired of thinking. We crossed the town and turned down Hamilton, following it until we got to my parking lot. He pulled into the lot and didn't cut the engine like I thought he would.

"Do you have your gun?" He asked; his voice cutting through the silence of the cab.

"I do."

"Good."

I stole a quick glance over at him and decided not to say anything else. I got out of the truck and went straight into the apartment building without looking back. I ran upstairs, unlocked the apartment, tossing my stuff on the kitchen counter. I walked straight over to the window facing the lot and didn't expect to see the truck still sitting there, but it was. He hadn't moved.

I pushed back the curtain and gave him a finger wave. Ranger flipped on his headlights and pulled out of the lot, leaving me feeling more empty inside than I had felt in a long time.

* * *

_To be continued..._


	2. Last Time

_Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing._

**Last Time  
**_Second in the Series: Last Chance_

* * *

_It doesn't matter what I want  
It doesn't matter what I need  
If you've made up your mind to go  
I won't beg you to stay  
You've been in a cage  
Throw you to the wind, you'd fly away_

_Second verse: "It Doesn't Matter" by Allison Krauss_

* * *

Chapter Three:

I don't know when the tears started to fall. It could have been when I let the curtain fall back in place. It could have been while I stood, staring out the window at nothing at all. It even could have been as I padded softly back to my bedroom and closed the door behind me. I could remember. I didn't really care. Optimism only lasted for so long before it was replaced with defeat, and I was feeling more defeated tonight than I had in the past few years.

There have been times in my life that I couldn't have bought a date. Hell, there was even a point after I left Dickie that I had a three year sex drought, but nothing compared to this. I was at a loss. If I could walk away, I would. It would be running from everything that I knew and loved; but at this point, I'd do it to get a little peace of mind. It was in my nature to be in denial. I had inherited that lovely trait from my Grandma Mazur, who was still in denial that she was past the point of thong bikini swimsuits and crowd surfing at concerts.

I sat on the edge of the bed and flipped off my shoes. I stretched out my feet onto the cold floor and peeled my tank top off, tossing it on the floor beside the shoes. I pulled the jean skirt off, letting it drop onto the floor on top of the tank top and padded into the bathroom to take a shower. After I was finished, I made my way over to the dresser, pulling out an old black t-shirt and slipped it on.

It was time for bed, I told myself. I needed to turn off my brain and go to sleep. When I woke up in the morning I would be in a better mood. Maybe I would take a vacation. Maybe I'd wake up in the morning and magically find a million dollars waiting there. I snorted, wouldn't that be great?

* * *

Chapter Four:

I tossed and turned for what seemed like an eternity. I couldn't get comfortable and when I finally got comfortable, my brain wouldn't shut up. When I got my brain to shut up, I wasn't comfortable. And so the vicious cycle continued until it was almost two am and I was finally fed up enough to say screw it and just get up.

No sooner had I tossed the covers off of me and padded out into the hallway, did I hear something at the door. It was a soft scratching sound and just for the briefest of seconds. As soon as I heard it, it was gone. At first I panicked, my heart was racing, my over active imagination overreacting, telling me the boogeyman was on the other side of the door, but then reasoning finally set it and figured it was Mrs. Mangenoni's dog sitting outside the wrong door again. This would be the fifth time in a two week period that the little Shitszu forgot where it lived, but it was so cute it was hard to be mad.

I went over to the door quietly, careful to not make a sound. I put my hand on the door and felt the very solid push from someone on the other side.

"Eep!" I said, scrambling away from the door and turned to the kitchen. My gun was in the cookie jar, I just needed two steps to get to it. I had my hand on the top of the cookie jar when I hand shot out and grabbed my other wrist, yanking me away. I tried pulling my wrist away, but it was no good. The intruder had a hold of it like a steel band and wasn't letting go. So I went a different route, I slammed my heel down on the top of his heel and was rewarded with a satisfying "Fuck!" from the guy but he didn't let go of me. He used the momentum to swing me into the door and pinned me there, but as soon as his body touched me, the heat raced from the tips of my toes to the top of my head.

I was in big trouble. It was Ranger.

Ranger pushed me against the door again, a little bit harder than the first time, his body leaning hard against mine, stirring up the wanting and needing I had been trying hard to stomp down. I felt all the air rush from my lungs. Being this close to Ranger was _not_ a good idea in my state of mind. In fact, it was worse than letting someone I didn't know it the apartment in the middle of the night. There was nothing I could use to protect myself against Ranger, especially when he was oh-so-close to me. And I wasn't so sure I wanted to.

"Do you know what happens when you let a dangerous man into your dark apartment late at night, babe?" Ranger asked softly, his lips teasingly close to my earlobe and the agonizing torture slow began to build. I could feel his breath warm against the skin of my neck and I tried not to shiver.

I tilted my head back against the door and looked up at him defiantly, "Nothing," I whispered. "He lets her go, walks out the door and doesn't look back. He walks away, acting like nothing ever happened because it's not a good idea. Not between us. Not now, not ever." I paused, taking a breath that was shakier than I thought it was going to be, "He forgets about the unfinished business he claims to have with me and walks away. Walk away, Ranger. Just walk away…"

We stared into each other's eyes, neither of us willing to give an inch. Ranger's gaze was soft, warming my skin as they traveled from my eyes, and moved to my lips.

"And if I don't walk away?" Ranger murmured, leaning closer to me. "What if I took care of something that I've wanted to do since one night almost two years ago?" His chest brushed up against mine and my body reacted instantly. My nipples tightened and I ached in so many ways from what I knew he could do.

It had been such a long time; I tried to reason with myself. Just play along this once and you know he'll leave before you go too far. You'll be interrupted. He'll get frustrated. You'll get scared and tell him to back off. Something will happen. You want this and there is no reason to deny it any longer.

"You'll leave if I ask you to," I told him, shifting against him. One of his legs was situated between mine. His knee was just close enough to be used as torture and he was very hard against me. "If I pushed you away right now, you would do just as I said. You would walk away without looking back."

He slid his hands through my curls, his thumbs caressed my cheekbones. When I would've dropped my eyes to the floor, he tilted my head back, brushing his lips against my forehead, "Is that your way of calling me a coward, babe?"

His lips touched mine briefly and my knees almost gave out. This was hard, harder than I expected it to be at least. "No." I said, quietly, "I'd never call you a coward, Ranger. But I wouldn't take you for a fool either."

He took my chin between his thumb and index finger and looked me in the eye, seeking the truth of my words. He rubbed the pad of his thumbs lightly over my lower lip and kissed me, teasing his lips against mine until I sighed.

"I'm not a fool when it comes to you, Stephanie." His knee moved slightly and brushed up against me achingly slow and tantalizing. Jesus, I was on fire. I hadn't felt this way in a long time, "You could call me a lot of things, but a fool wouldn't be one of them, babe."

His lips touched mine again and I curled my fingers into his jacket, holding on for dear life. I was being consumed. The kiss was slow, deep, and erotic. It was everything I knew Ranger was in bed. It was a reminder of how it was between us and could be again. All I had to do was let go. I had to trust Ranger not to do something he did the first time- _push me away._

One of his hands slid away from my neck and down my arm, to softly cup my breast through my t-shirt. When his thumb grazed over my nipple, I moaned into his mouth, pressing myself closer to him. He remembered exactly what he needed to do in order to make my body sing the hallelujah chorus.

Ranger shifted his position against me, his hands slid down my lower back, over the cheeks of ass, lifting me so that only my tip toes could touch the floor. He nipped at my lower lip and pressed his lips to my ear, "Wrap your legs around me."

I did so without another thought, wanting to feel him underneath me. I threaded my fingers through his hair and took his mouth under mine. I licked his lips, sucking his lower lip into my mouth and grazed my teeth against it. I flicked my tongue out slowly, running the length of his lip before Ranger pushed his tongue into my mouth. He coaxed me into hypnotic rhythm, my hips grinding against his, looking to get any closer to riding him than I already was.

He moved us towards the bedroom, kicking the door open and making his way over to the bed. We fell onto the bed, and it hit me all of a sudden that this was actually going to happen. Before, it had happened so fast that I didn't have time to second guess myself. This time, Ranger seemed to be taking his time with me, enjoying the moment as though it would be the last time.

_And I wasn't going to think about it._

He kicked his boots off and slid his hands underneath my shirt. He braced himself over me, his forearm was near my head, and his knee was between mine again. I slid my hands to button of his pants and tugged at it until it came free, pulling his shirt free from his pants. I took my time, enjoying the feel of his muscles under my hands and the way they rippled when I ran my fingernails up his spine. His mouth came down on mine again, hard and demanding. He broke the kiss for just a second as he yanked my t-shirt off along with his own, throwing them both on the floor.

I watched him under lowered lashes, his body bathed in the streetlight from my bedroom window. He was sheer perfection, perfectly toned muscles with just enough of the dangerous vibe radiating off him to make you think twice about making a move. He moved with the grace of a cat, always stalking his prey, looking for the right moment to strike. His eyes were intent, watching me unabashedly and I felt my skin flush. I was hot all over, laying on the bed almost completely naked, letting him look at me as though I had no shame.

I bit my lower lip and raised up on my forearms as he was silently going through the motions of unzipping his pants. As they fell to the floor, I was very aware of how large Ranger actually was and found myself wanting to second guess my decision. I was going to be sore tomorrow- very, very sore.

When I would have slid away from him, Ranger's hand darted out, grabbing a hold of my ankle and pulling me back towards him. He kissed the inside of my ankle and worked his way up my calf, to my inner thigh and over the very flimsy material of my panties. His breath was hot and the pressure of his mouth had me arching my back to him, urging him on; but when his tongue darted out, I lost control and cried out for him. My fingers were digging into the sheets and mattress and all I could think about was Ranger's mouth on me. I wanted the torture to stop but I never wanted it to end. The more I urged him, the more he gave me, his index finger sliding along the edge before hooking a finger underneath and touching me with feather softness. With the bare minimum of pressure from his finger and his mouth, it didn't take long for the sensations to send me over the edge. Before I could come back down, Ranger hooked his fingers into the sides of my panties and slid them off slowly. His fingertips touching me all the way down and slid back up my legs, gently pushing them apart as he slid against me. His breathing was controlled, where mine was coming out in rushed pants and my heart was beating so hard that all I could hear was the rush of blood running rampant through my veins. Every part of me was awake and screaming for him, screaming for this.

I pulled on his shoulders and caught him off guard. He fell closer to me, catching himself on his forearm. He dipped his head down so that his lips were on my ear. "Babe," his hand on my hip tightened and his teeth nibbled my earlobe, "we have all night."

I turned my head and opened my eyes, "Kiss me. Put your lips on me. Please." I begged.

He brushed a wayward curl from my forehead and tilted my chin up, taking my lips under his as he slid into me with one stroke. Our hips were fitted flush together, with him as deep as he could go, just holding there while I pushed against him. His lips brushed my hairline, tongue darting out as he trailed his lips down my neck to the hollow of my collarbone. His teeth grazed along my collarbone and back up the underside of my chin, to my lips. My fingernails dug into his shoulders and I bit his lip as he moved at a slow controlled pace, not matching my frantic need for release. His hand slid underneath my hips and he moved and I gasped. His lips were on mine, his hips were increasing the pace and my body was getting closer and closer to where I wanted to be. And then as sudden as I thought it, it happened and I went soaring over the edge again, crying out wildly and grasping for his hips. He slowed for just a brief second, his hand gripping me as I clenched around him but continued his pace. His hand slid between our bodies and his hand brushed over my abdomen and lower and even lower yet, tweaking me to another orgasm as he reached his. I felt his teeth on my shoulder, heard the low growl of my name as I cried out his own and for the longest time neither of us said a word. It was just our breathing that was audible in the room, just the faintest of shadows making any movement in the room.

Ranger was the first to move, carefully sliding away from me, and laying beside me on the bed. His hand touched my shoulder, brushing loose strands of my hair out of my face. I turned my head so that I could see him and smiled shyly.

"Ranger," I said with a sigh. I wasn't sure what I wanted to say, but I knew that there was something I needed to say after that. It had been amazing, wonderful, incredible, everything I thought it would be and more; but something was missing. Something missing inside of me that I thought would have made my life easier, my road clearer, the choice more obvious; but it wasn't. It wasn't there.

My heart was racing. I didn't know what I was thinking when I thought that I should indulge myself just this once, but it had been the wrong idea. My life had just complicated itself beyond belief and I had nowhere to lay the blame except on my own doorstep.

_Oh boy, what had I done now? _

I looked into his eyes and he was studying me curiously. His fingertip danced over my bare shoulder and down the length of my arm, interlacing our fingers together. I flashed him a sly grin and leaned into him, brushing at his hair on his forehead. He was smiling, flashing me with those brilliantly white teeth and a carefree look. It was hard to be upset about my decision when he was looking at me like that. He made me feel like I was on top of the world, like I could do anything or be anyone. I felt free with him and it was that feeling I had been missing for so long in my life that I treasured more than anything else in the world he could give me.

Ranger's hands wrapped around my back and pulled me closer to him, "Babe."

I brushed my lips along his neck and nuzzled him, memorizing the way that he smelled, remembering how he looked when he was happy, how he had looked when I had pissed him off earlier. There wasn't anything I didn't want to memorize about him. It was for the time when he walked away without looking back. It was for those nights when I would think about this and will myself not to shed a tear over the ridiculous thing I had done.

His hand curled around my back and stroked soft circles along my spine, "This wasn't about unfinished business, Stephanie."

Here it comes, I thought to myself and I took a deep breath, "Huh?"

His lips touched mine softly and then my forehead, "This was about something that we've both wanted for a long time. And it was about time we did something about it."

I mentally cringed but I didn't say a word. I moved so that I could lean on my forearm and reached for the throw at the end of the bed. Ranger grabbed a hold of my wrist and pulled me back into him.

"What do you think you're doing?"

I whipped my head around and shot him a look, "I'm cold. And I'm going to get up and go into the bathroom. I figured you were going to get up and leave."

Whoa Steph, I thought. Too much information. Take deep breaths and calm down.

"No," Ranger said, and pulled me back under him. His lips were millimeters from mine, whispering soft, "You're mine, babe." His kiss was heady, full of sweet promise and pent up passion, "All night." His lips trailed down my jawbone, his hand making its way down my body, nice and slow, "Every night." His hand found its way in between our bodies and his intake of breath mirrored my gasp, "In every way possible, babe. You're mine."

* * *

Chapter Five:

I was finding it damn hard to sleep.

There was a time earlier on in my relationship with Ranger that I would have never thought him capable of vulnerability. The situation with Scrog opened me up to new possibilities with Ranger, showing me that there was a man under all that no-nonsense, untouchable superhero. It had started with Abruzzi. I knew what Ranger had done for me and I still didn't like to think about the risk he had taken for me. I had shoved that whole debacle deep into the demons closet along with all the bad choices I'd ever made, which was a whole helluva lot. But there were two times when his eyes haunted me, when the dreams about what happened blended with the reality and I would never forget them. For as long as I lived, I would remember his face when he pulled me out of Stiva's cabinet. The way the black in his eyes had completely consumed me and I had felt a kind of calm I hadn't felt before. I'd always known in my heart of hearts that he would've found me before Stiva could've put me underground permanently.

But when he looked into my eyes- when he walked into my apartment, unarmed with his hands up, I felt a part of me die inside. Before I would've never admitted how scared I was to face life without Ranger in it, but I saw the acceptance in his eyes that he would die for someone he cared about, whether it was Julie… or me. I saw the real person behind the mask and it changed me.

I shifted against him, and his arms tightened, pulling me deeper into him. I was always surprised with him. I was always learning something new with him, about him or about the world around me. But there was never a point in my life that I would've thought this was possible.

Him with me. In my bed. Not that this was something new and never done before, but he was at it again; sleeping on his side, with his arms slung over my waist. The hard edges around his eyes were softened in sleep. I watched him, truly amazed at his rugged beauty- not something I'd ever admit to him while he was awake- and held spellbound with how even in sleep his presence was overbearing. I ran my hand up his smooth chest and around the curve of his neck, to the hair at the nape of his neck. I was in the state between dreaming and reality, where nothing and everything seemed blended together. I was mental and physically exhausted and started doing some hard thinking about taking up running again. Apparently, I was more out of shape than I thought. Not to mention the last time I had went all night without sleep had been the last time Ranger had done more than sleep over.

_Though, now that I thought about it I felt energized. Maybe it was time to wake him up…_

"Steph."

I looked up at him and smiled sleepily. He could read my mind in his sleep. Great.

Ranger ran an appreciative hand down my backside and cupped my cheeks in his hands, pulling me flush against him, "Babe, I don't have to read your mind to know what you're thinking." His lips were making there way from my ear and down my neck, past my collarbone. He had me on my back and had slid deep into me before I could breathe a word in protest. Instead of protest, I moaned his name rather loudly, even surprising myself, before his mouth could smother my cries.

His hips moved and all my coherent thoughts went out the window. He smiled down at me, moving his hips in tiny, wonderfully torturous circles and he knew I had reached the point when I wasn't above begging for him now. I arched up to meet him and he leaned into my ear, "I know _exactly_ what you were thinking." Another moaned made it past my lips as he bit my earlobe as he groaned, "_Stephanie…_"

_Oh, boy!_

* * *

Chapter Six:

It was well past noon when I finally dragged my ass down to the bonds office. Business was still slow and after I had cleaned up that mess with Annie Hart, I didn't have anything to do. Vinnie had just got back from his "love tour" with Lucille, and he had been in one of the better moods I'd ever had the displeasure of experiencing. All and all my life was great if you didn't count the negative five dollar balance I was carrying in my bank account and that I was in love with two guys.

I had been scraping by with what Ranger was willing to toss my way. He was as helpful as he could be without being blatantly obvious but it could only stretch so far. I was going to have to spend more time at my parents than I wanted to for the next few weeks until the scumbags of Trenton started skipping on their bail again. The Valentine's Day high would come crashing down and lovers would go back to fighting. Then spring would be in the air and Spring Fever would have every sane person going insane. Yep, I was definitely looking forward to dumpster diving for my next skip, if only I could get one!

I frowned as I got out of the Mini and slammed the door shut. Ugh! I was stuck on the thought of being at my parent's house with Cuddle Umpkins and Smoochy Bear. The thought alone was enough to make me want to toss my cookies, but I wouldn't survive five minutes on a starvation diet. So I was going to suck it up for the greater good of Pineapple Upside Down cake.

Hm, speaking of which, I reached into my pocketbook to fish out my cell phone. I wondered what was for lunch…

I had just put the cell phone to my ear when I ran into a brick wall that was warm and wearing a black windbreaker. "Ugh… "

Hands shot out to steady me before I fell backwards, "Crap. I'm sorry-" I looked up into the eyes of Ranger.

Damn, he was everywhere! Okay, I coached myself, act normal.

"Oh, it's you," I said, grinning. "Fancy running into you here."

"Babe," Ranger said. He let go of me and set me half an arms distance away, "You need to pay attention."

I rolled my eyes, "Or the big bad sidewalk monster is gonna get me?"

This time he grinned, "Don't tempt me, _Babe_."

I felt my face flush and my body temperature spiked twenty degrees. You'd think after a night of no sleep and the persistent soreness I was experiencing this morning in certain areas that weren't normally used, would have been enough. But oh no! The one thing my mother had prayed I would never become, had happened. I was a nympho; a very tired, sore nympho who was thinking about feeling Ranger's skin against mine all slippery in the shower. I felt Ranger stiffen against me.

"Stop it."

Shocked, I looked up at him and his mouth was in a tight line. "You can't possibly know what I was thinking about."

He raised an eyebrow and pulled me into him a little rougher than I expected and our hips met, "I've got more than a good idea, Stephanie." I tried to move away from him, but he caught my wrist, "God, don't move."

"If I don't, I'll make it worse."

"If you move, I'll be showing most of the traffic on Hamilton what I've got to offer."

Hm, I thought. Good point. I looked past him and into the Bonds office. Connie and Lula had there noses pressed against the glass, waiting for a show. I gave them a small finger wave and Connie and Lula looked at each other. Lula said something and Connie looked at me, and back to Lula, nodding her head.

Oh, great! Why didn't I just paint the scarlet letter on my chest this morning before I left home?

"You know they're watching right?"

Ranger put his hands on his hips and shook his head, "Lula was sniffing around me this morning, nodding and smiling to Connie."

Yep, I was busted. I leaned against the bus bench, almost eye level with Ranger's "problem", "Tank's knocked something loose, I think." I peeped around him and watched Lula make kissy faces at me. I rolled my eyes and waved her off, "It's all that free time you give him for nooners."

Ranger shrugged his shoulder and made a noncommittal reply.

"Wait!" I said, looking back around, and Lula and Connie were reenacting Ranger and me on the street. I was going to choke them when I got in there, "Lula came near you?"

Ranger's muscles twitched in his cheek, "She's no longer scared of me."

I looked up at him and smiled, "You knew it wouldn't last forever."

"It was good while it lasted." He shot them a look over his shoulder and I peeped around his other side to watch Connie jump away from the window, looking at her nails and Lula arched an eyebrow at him and put her hand on her hip. He looked back at me and flashed me a quick smile. I shook my head, "No."

He crooked his finger, "C'mere."

I shook my hands at him, "No, Ranger."

He reached out and grabbed my wrist, pulling me into him, "You're gonna make-"

He interrupted me with a kiss that made my knees buckle. He pulled away and gave me another quick kiss as his cell phone started going off. As quick as he'd shown up, he was gone and I was left facing the window with Lula and Connie gaping at me. I did the walk of shame, head down, putting one foot in front of another until Lula yanked open the office door and jerked me inside.

"Girl!" Lula exclaimed, "You've got some explainin' to do! You gotta grin that doesn't quit!"

"And what was all that about?" Connie said, circling me, "You were out there talking to him for an awfully long time. Whadya talk about? Hm?"

I pushed past Connie and made my way over to the couch. It was surprising how wobbly my legs were after last night. I was really, really out of shape. Embarrassingly out of shape. No more donuts. More running. Right...

Lula was snapping her fingers in front of my face, "Hey! White girl! Wake your skinny ass up! It must have been good to be this out of it."

Connie and Lula were leaning towards me, staring at my face for any signs of Ranger marking me as his territory.

"What was good? Did I miss something?" I asked, looking between. I raised an eyebrow, "My conversation with Ranger? Is that what we're talkin' about?"

Connie leaned back and crossed her arms, looking at her perfectly rounded nails. "Don't play dumb with us, Steph. Give us the goods. You're holding out from your girlfriends and that's the numero uno cardinal sin of friendship. Throw us a bone, for pete's sake!"

I shook my head, "I don't know what you think you saw outside, but nothing is different between me and Ranger."

"And that's the problem!" Lula said. She marched over to Connie's desk and grabbed her purse. She grabbed out her cell phone and flipped it over. "I'm going to fix this once and for all! If you can't do it for yourself, then it's gonna be Lula to the rescue."

I launched myself off the couch and landed on her back. I reached for the cell phone and Lula stretched her arm out as far as she could to keep it away.

"Get off me!"

"_Gimme that phone_!"

"Oh boy, Steph! You must be really desperate. You sure nothings going on?" Connie said, backing out of the way when Lula spun us around, trying to throw me off her back.

"Lula! Lula! Put the phone down. Don't make me do this."

"Girl, if you don't get off my back calling Ranger ain't gonna be the only thing I do today."

I wrestled with her for a couple more minutes before I realized that she wasn't going to back down and I knew that I was going to regret this. But she left me with no choice.

I stuck my finger in my mouth and stuck it in her ear. She immediately dropped the phone and swung me into the desk, knocking Connie's lamp and pile of files off.

"Shit! Shit, shit, shit!" Lula swore, "That's some of the grossest shit I've ever had done. And I've done some freaky shit!"

"Omigod! You didn't!" Connie said, her mouth dropped open in surprise. Then her eyes swung to the desk and looked up at the ceiling, "You gotta be kidding me! I just got those files in order!"

Lula put her hand on her hip, "Maybe you should have told Evil Kanevil there to back up off me before she tore something up then you wouldn't be havin' this problem."

"Maybe you should shut the hell up and help me out here."

Lula shot Connie the death look and Connie eyed her desk. Lula eyed her pocketbook. And I knew all hell was about to break loose.

I went over to the desk and picked up a few files, "See. This isn't so bad. It's just files. It's not a big deal. Really."

"SHUT UP!" They both yelled. "You started this!"

"ME!" I squeaked, "I did NOT!"

Vinnie's office door flew open and there stood Vinnie in all his scummy glory. His shirt was partial untucked and the sick gleam in his eyes made my stomach turn.

"Hey! What's wrong with yous? On your rags or something? Shut the hell up out here already! I'm tryin' to conduct some very important business. You know. Business. That thing we grown-ups do at a place called work?"

All three of us pinned him with our best PMS look. I didn't have to have PMS to give this look. It's a natural born talent.

"You best turn around and go back into that office before something happens that won't be so explainable." Lula said.

"Oh yeah?" Vinnie scoffed, "You gonna do something about it?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna squeal about how Madame Bouche and her trained monkeys came to pay you a little visit before you left on your cruise." Connie said, walking over to her desk and pulling out a log book of comings and goings, "Yep, says right here when she signed in. That's gonna be a real nice conversation with Harry, isn't it Vinnie?" Scumbag, she muttered where just Lula and I could hear it.

I had to see this.

Sure enough, plain as day, the Madame's signature was on the second line from the bottom. Huh, I thought, blackmail.

"Turn around and mind your own business," Connie spat. "I'm not in the mood to put up with your pervert ass today. You go your way and I'll go mine."

Vinnie pointed his finger and went to say something and Connie reached over to pick up her desk phone. "You really want to test me?"

Vinnie's face got bright red and he turned on his heels and slammed the office door shut behind him.

"I really hate when he pulls that PMS shit with me." Connie said, putting the phone receiver down.

"I'll go real PMS on his ass and he'll never be the same again," Lula said. "I gotta mind to do it right now too."

"I think you just got a lot of excess energy to burn off," Connie looked at her watch, "Yep, it's past noon. You didn't get your nooner today."

At even the slightest mention of Tank, Lula got starry eyed. It was really a sight to see. To be honest, Tank scared the pants right off me, but he was super good for Lula and it was good to see her so happy.

"That's because he was covering for the boss man. I wonder what Ranger could've been doin'? Any ideas?" Lula said, fixing her gaze on me.

Connie was eyeing me again, "You've been caught red handed, Steph. Just 'fess up."

I gave a nervous giggle, "The first time I saw Ranger was this morning." Which wasn't a lie, I told myself. I woke up right beside him, on top of him, wrapped around him and every other which way with him.

"You lie. You lie like a dog!" Lula squealed, "Oh, you're blushin' bright red. It must have been something else. How come you're able to walk today? If I was you, I'd be at home in that man's bed keepin' it warm 'til he got home."

Connie picked a file up off her desk and fanned herself, "I don't even gotta hear details to get all hot about the thought of that. Holy Mother of God! What was it like? Was it everything you thought it would be? Please tell me it was! Oh don't leave me hanging!"

"There's nothing to tell." I told them, "Nothing new happened." Oh, I was going to Hell. Straight to hell for lying. Don't pass go. And don't collect $200.00. I needed help. I needed an intervention from above to get out of these. They wouldn't be satisfied until they had wrung every single little detail out of me.

And it was if God heard me pleading, the office phone started ringing and Lula's cell phone chirped with the tune of "Bossy". I heaved a sigh of relief and both of them shot me a look.

"You think you've got out of this, but I'm gonna remember." Lula said, flipping open her phone and her voice turned playful. "You know I love it when you sweet talk me like that. I think I can do that. See you in twenty?" Pause, "Okay, ten. Damn you must really be missin' Miss Lula." She laughed and I found myself smiling, "Alright, suga. Holla." And she flipped her phone closed. She pointed towards me with the antenna as she pushed it back down and tossed the phone in her purse, "You're lucky. You got some divine higher up power lookin' out for your puny ass. I'm gonna call you later and I want details!"

Connie was still on the phone, trying to get a word in edgewise with whatever brainless idiot needed bond money this time. She shook her head and mumbled in Italian, and then she started scribbling on the piece of paper in front of her.

Lula swung the purse over her shoulder and started to step out. "Remember, I called first dibs. If you perp out on me, I'm gonna go medieval on your ass."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeesh!" I muttered, rolling my eyes. I went to walk out the door with Lula, knowing that I had to find something to do. I could go to my parents and have leftovers from lunch, probably take grandma to an afternoon viewing or go home and take a nap. The latter sounded better to me. Actually it sounded really great.

Connie whistled at me once I put my hand on the door and waved me back over to her desk. She handed the phone receiver to me and I put my hands up to tell her I didn't want it.

"It's Morelli." Connie mouthed.

Ut-oh. This couldn't be good if he was calling the bonds office to get a hold of me.

"Hi." I said, trying my best to be perky, "What's up?"

"Got Mooner and Dougie down here again. Connie's coming down to bail them, but they need a ride. You free?"

I looked down at my watch. Who was I kidding? It's not like I had anything better to do today. "Sure."

"How about tonight?" Morelli asked, his voice dropped to a degree that was right above his sex voice, "You free then?"

For the briefest of moments, my mind wandered to Ranger and wondered what he was doing and I mentally smacked myself. Get a grip! You had sex, not a commitment ceremony.

"Yeah, I think so. I mean I don't think I have anything going on." Oh, Jesus, I was babbling like a preteen, "What I mean is-"

"Cute." Joe said with a laugh, "I was thinking something along the lines of Pino's and beer. I have an overnight shift to work. But what you had in mind is on the menu as well, cupcake. I told you I wasn't going to pressure you but I'm not going to say no either."

I didn't say anything because I didn't know what to say and Morelli didn't seem to notice, or if he did, he didn't comment. "How does seven sound?"

I had a few hours. I could still take a nap. "Good. You gonna be around when I get down there?"

"No, I gotta a few things to do before I take off, but I'll see you later."

I agreed and disconnected with Connie staring at me. "What?"

"Does he know about Ranger?"

I sighed, "There's nothing to know!"

"Uh-huh. That's what you keep saying."

I shook my head and picked up my purse, "I'm outta here. I'll meet you downtown to pick up Mooner and Dougie. Don't let them wander off!"

Connie tossed her hands up in the air, "Sheesh! What do you take me for? An idiot? I've been in the business a long longer than you. You need to get a grip."

I gave her a look and she gave me one right back. "Don't say it. I'd hate to have Anthony whack you."

Jeez, and I thought I was bad when I had PMS. Connie takes the cake, hands down.

"I'm just sayin'. If he were in the business-"

I shot her a look. "I wasn't born yesterday."

"I'm gonna feel bad about being a bitch later on, you know that right?"

"Well then enjoy it while you can and with someone who appreciates the fine art of bitchiness, because once we pick up Mooner and Dougie all common sense will be lost."

Connie shrugged her shoulders and her cell phone rang. "I'm going out to bond someone. Hold the fort down between hand jobs would ya?" She yelled at Vinnie's closed door.

"Ugh-" was the noise that came out of Vinnie's office and if I went the rest of my life without hearing that again it still wouldn't be long enough.

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph." Connie swore, and then she crossed herself. She pushed me out of the office and into the parking lot. I felt like I needed a shower. A hot one with a strong disinfectant and something to wipe my memory clean.

* * *

Chapter Seven:

I got in and out of the police department in thirty minutes. Turns out that Mooner and Dougie were higher than a kite (go figure) and so we took a detour through the McDonald's drive-thru. Mooner and Dougie ordered enough food to feed a small country and devoured it all before we made it back to Mooner's house. I dropped them off with promises to let them cook and clean for me and promises of next time I'd stay and watch the Sci-fi channel for three hours straight. I waved at them as they stood on their front porch like lost puppies, waving like their very lives depended on it.

I waited until they made it inside, before cutting a U-turn and heading back to my apartment to take a nap, which I was in dire need of since my feet were dragging and my eyelids were drooping. I pulled into the lot, parked beside the dumpster and made my way inside. The elevator doors opened to reveal Mrs. Bestler wearing a huge smile.

"Going up, dear?" Her songbird voice rang out. Mrs. Bestler had been playing elevator operator since I'd moved in years ago. Some days it was tedious, but most of the time, I enjoyed it, especially on days like today when I was too tired to operator heavy machinery or drag my ass up the stairs.

I stepped in, "Second floor please."

She hit the close button, "Second floor, ladies lingerie and accessories. Fabulous choice, dear."

I leaned back against the railing and closed my eyes. Mrs. Bestler hummed a sweet melody as the elevator groaned. The doors dinged open and I leaned up, opening my eyes. The doors opened and she motioned me out. "Second floor. Watch your step, dearie."

I thanked her and hustled to my apartment door, throwing it open and slinging my pocketbook onto the counter. I started walking toward my bedroom, but something caught my eye in the living room. Just a faint shadow falling over the TV and the hair on the back of my nape stood straight up. I took a couple of steps backwards, backtracking to my purse. I knew my stun gun was in there, but I didn't care. I was getting the purse and getting the hell out of here!

The shadow moved and I kicked it into high gear. I wasn't about to find out first hand who was standing there, but I didn't have to. Ranger came around the corner and leaned against the wall, "Babe."

I picked up the nearest thing to me, my toaster, and tossed it at him. "Asshole! Do you have any idea how much you scared me?" It missed him, flew straight into the wall and bounced off, landing on the floor beside his feet.

"Weren't armed, were you?"

"No. I'm in my apartment. I don't need to be armed."

Ranger's smile was barely noticeable. He gave me a look that I'd seen before, the lecture about always being aware of my surroundings and all that jazz. If I'd heard it once, I'd heard it a thousand times. He just wasn't getting it. I don't have _that _many worries. Normally.

He picked the toaster off the floor and looked it over. It was a crumpled heap of scrap metal and plastic now. I had a moment of remorse. Damn. Nothing to heat poptarts up in now. Not that I had any or any money to get any though. Just my luck.

"I'd say it's toast."

I rolled my eyes, "Excuse me if I don't laugh. I'm trying to find my funny bone after you gave me a heart attack."

He dropped the toaster on the counter and leaned against the counter beside me, "Then you should pay more attention when you walk in."

I put a hand on the counter and leaned against it. "To what do I owe this pleasure, Ranger? I know you didn't come here to lecture me, and I was hoping to take a nap."

He lifted his eyes to mine and my knees got a little weak. I knew what he was thinking and that wasn't normal. I never knew what he was thinking but it was clear as day. He was thinking about the reason why I needed a nap. I blushed.

His hand reached up to tuck a wayward curl behind my ear, "You're blushing, babe."

His fingers lingered, trailing down my neck and then his hand curled around and pulled me into him. His lips were on mine and I plastered myself against him. He was warm and smelled wonderful and reminded me of everything I loved about him. He was fully supporting me against him when he pulled away, his hands caressing my back in slow strokes. He pressed his lip along my jaw line, dropping his lips teasingly against the hollow of my neck and his teeth scraped my earlobe. I bit back a moan and dug my fingers into the front of his T-shirt, not trying to encourage him but I couldn't help myself. He felt so good.

"You know what I liked the most about last night, babe?" He murmured into my ear. His voice was husky, wrapping around me like aged whisky and I felt myself melt into a puddle of wetness, "Those sweet little sounds you made when you were wrapped around me. It's all I can think about, making you sound like that every night and day." He threaded his hands in my hair and kissed me long and deep. We were both breathing heavy when he set me away from me at arm's length and his eyes traveled from my head to my toe, as if he was memorizing every little thing about me, and walked past me, closing the door behind him with a quiet click.

What the hell… I stared at the door not believing what had just happened. What the hell was that anyway? He hides out in my apartment, scares the living hell out of me, kisses me into a state and leaves. I threw my hands up in frustration. I didn't understand him. And now, I was even more confused. Something that I didn't really need considering I was so turned around I couldn't see the light of day. I reached for my purse and pulled out my cell phone. Alright, I couldn't take this anymore. I needed answers and he was going to give them to me. Now.

I flipped it open and hit speed dial 1. I let it ring, and ring, and ring and just as I was getting ready to hang up and cuss him into the next century, it clicked over. "Yo."

"What was that?"

I heard him sigh and my temper spiked a notch, "I'm serious. What was that? You think you can waltz in here and- and- well you know what and-"

"Can we talk about this later?"

I sucked in a breath. _You had to be freakin' kidding me!_ "No! No, we can't do this later. You got me all hot and bothered and walked outta here like nobody's business and now you wanna talk about it later." I banged my phone on the counter top, "This is what you've done to me. When is later? _Next year!?_"

He was laughing so I hung up on him. Bastard. He got what he deserved… Mental head smack. Except I didn't get my answer and I was pretty sure if I called back he wouldn't answer. In fact, he was probably making plans for me to tour a third world country. I groaned. Damn and double damn.

I checked my watch. I had three hours before my night with Joe, which I was semi-uncomfortable with. Should I pretend like last night never happened? No, but I knew better than to let it get the best of me and let it fester into something that wasn't going to happen. Damnit, why didn't I ask Ranger before he worked his magic? You were, I thought, but he distracted me before I had a chance... I felt my knees weaken as I thought about his lips on my skin. Yeah, he was good at distracting... Wait a minute, I was getting off track. I put my head in my hands. What was I going to do? Hm, was I going to tell Joe? I should… I would. I was. Oh hell.

I went into the bedroom and threw off my clothes, pulled on a T-shirt and climbed into bed. No more debating. I'd think of something when I woke up. Yeah, I thought, that was a good plan. When I woke up I'd know what I was going to do.

_Yeah, right._

* * *

Chapter Eight:

I got to Joe's at the same time as the Pino's delivery guy, some freckled wide-eyed kid staring at me like he'd never seen hair from hell before. I handed over some bills to him and took the food out of his hands.

"You really have to work on your staring problem. A girl might get the wrong idea." I told him, flashing him a smile and he blushed. He took two steps backwards and muttered sorry. I gave him a finger wave as he drove away and let myself into Joe's house. I heard Bob before I saw him, bounding out of the kitchen like a hell hound. He could smell Pino's five miles away and I was just an innocent bystander in the way of his dinner.

Joe walked around the corner and grabbed a hold of Bob one step from him knocking me over.

"Did you order him something?" I asked, shutting the door behind me. I juggled the bags in my arms and reached down to scratch Bob behind the ear.

Joe leaned into me and kissed my cheek, taking the bags from my arms, "Yeah."

He walked towards the kitchen and Bob trotted after him, his tongue lolling out and drool dripping on the floor. I followed behind them and leaned against the kitchen wall as Joe opened up the bags and gave a whole sub to Bob, who devoured it much like the fashion of Mooner and Dougie earlier. Joe handed me a bag and we headed back out to the living room, where he had the TV turned onto ESPN with the Mets and Red Sox game.

We ate in silence, both of us staring at the TV like zombies. My head still wasn't right even after the nap and my stomach was in knots. The more I thought about mentioning to Joe about Ranger, the harder my heart beat. I was almost sure he could hear it, but maybe it was just because of the awkwardness between us at the moment. I really didn't know and I didn't know what I was going to do.

"Steph? Hey? You in there?" Joe was waving his hand over my face; a look of concern was in his eyes, "You alright? I've been talking to you the last five minutes and you've just been staring at the TV. You got something on your mind?"

I opened my mouth and shut it. I didn't know what I was going to say. Still.

Joe picked up the remote and muted the TV, "Apparently you do. Let me guess. It has something to do with Manoso, doesn't it?"

I didn't like that he could read me like that, but it comes with the territory, I supposed. I tried not to fidget, but I wasn't doing too good of a job. I took a deep breath. I just needed to get out something or I was going to start hyperventilating.

"Shit, Stephanie…" Joe said, getting up off the couch. He stood in front of me with his hands on his hips and Bob's ears pricked up. My eyes widened and I looked up at him. He looked back at me and raked his hand through his hair. He blew out a sigh, "Okay. I'm cool. I'm not going to blow up." He took his hands off his hips and knelt down in front of me, "Just tell me what's on your mind, cupcake."

Okay, I told myself, just do it. It's like ripping a band-aid off, you just got to do it and the pain is swift and over and done with before you know it. But I couldn't get it out. I was having a hard time remembering how to breathe. I looked to Joe for some help but he was starting to look like I'd kicked him right in the nuts. This was turning out to be a clusterfuck.

Okay, okay, okay, ripping the band-aid, "I'minlovewithRangerandIthinkIneedtotellhim."

Oh my God, I said it and I felt like getting sick. I admitted it out loud, and now it was real and wouldn't go away. Oh shit, what have I done? I couldn't take it back. Oh god- oh god…

Joe stared at me for a full moment before it sunk in what I'd just spit out and he stood slowly, turning his back to me. I jumped up off the couch. This was bad. This was really, really bad. I walked towards Joe and he held his hand up for me to stop right where I was. The silence was killing me.

"I agreed to give you space, Steph," he said quietly. There was a hint of something underlining in his words and I wasn't so sure I wanted to know what it was. "You know I think he's nutso. He's dangerous. You don't know anything about him, Stephanie." Joe shook his head, and looked out the window, "You can't be in love with him."

What do you say to someone when they don't believe you? Sorry, seems a little lame here.

I took a step forward, "Joe-"

He turned around, "Just don't, Steph. You're going to make it worse than it already is. I can honestly say that I never thought you would admit it. I've seen it for years; that little sparkle in your eyes when he's near you. But that's not love, Cupcake, that's lust. And you might not know the difference between the two, but I sure as hell do."

"You knew?" I said quietly. I bit my lower lip to keep it from trembling. _I would not cry._ I just kept repeating it to myself, but I started to feel the slow burn of holding them back. _I would not cry._ I knew that someday it would have to come down to this, but I didn't want it to be this way. I don't know how I want it to be but I did know that I didn't want this to be our end.

He must have heard the tremble in my voice because he walked to me and took me in his arms, "You'd have to be blind not to. You can accuse me of whatever, but I'm not blind Stephanie. I've been ignoring it because I thought it would go away. I thought it was just a fascination, but I didn't know you thought it was love. That's-" Joe paused a moment and his arms tightened around me, "That's hard to accept. And no matter how hard I try, I won't be able to. I love you."

I felt a couple of tears leak out and I buried my head in his chest, desperately wanting to turn back time. How things got to this point, I had no idea; but if I could change it, I would. Even standing in his arms, I didn't feel the same pull as I did with Ranger and maybe it was because it was new and in my mind still forbidden; but I couldn't ignore it. Even if Ranger never saw me again, I couldn't wander to myself ten years down the road what could've been.

"I'm sorry." I cried softly, "I didn't want it to happen and I don't know how it did." I clung to him tighter, "This is so awful."

We stood there in the middle of his living room for a long time, neither of us speaking for being at a loss. It had been the only time he had held me for comfort and it would be the last time. I couldn't stand it.

"I love you." I told him softly as he pushed me away from him.

"I know." He told me, the pain in his eyes made my lower lip tremble again and my eyes fill with tears. "But you're in love with him."

Joe took my hand in his, "I would do anything for you, Stephanie. But sometimes there comes a point in our lives when we've done all we can do and there's nothing left to try. I don't want to do this. I don't want to let you walk out that door and think that you'll never come back; but I'm going to. If I don't, I'll always be thinking about it and I can't forget." He pulled me back to him and kissed me. The kiss was soft and felt like a goodbye kiss, "I can't say that I'll wait forever Stephanie. Hell, I can't say that I'll wait at all, but I love you. You'll come back to me."

I stood there, looking up at him, sick to my stomach. What was done was done. I couldn't erase it now. It was now out in the open for all to see. I only had one more person to go through and to imagine that it would be harder than this… Well, I didn't want to.

"Go." Joe said, "Go before I can't let you go."

I leaned up on my tip-toes and kissed him one last time and collected my stuff. I walked out without a backwards glance, afraid if I did that I would see something that would make me run back in there. I could feel his eyes on me all the way to the Mini and as I got in the breath I had been holding came out in a rushed sob. I managed to close the door and drive away. I mindlessly made my way back to my apartment and up to my apartment, glad that I didn't have an encounter with anyone that I knew. I was a wreck, an emotional and physical wreck. I just wanted to hide in my bedroom and never come out. I prayed to God that Ranger wouldn't be back over tonight and went straight into the bedroom, closing and locking the door behind me. If I didn't wake up for a month, it'd be a blessing in disguise.

* * *

Chapter Nine:

I felt like hell and looked like death warmed over.

It had almost been two weeks since that scene at Joe's and I still was down. For the first week, I pretended like nothing had happened and went on about my business, but as soon as word got out, I'd spent the past few days bawling my eyes out. I'd turned Ranger down the one time he'd came over to see if I was okay, and he hadn't been back since. Lula and Connie had been over to lift my spirits and I put on a brave face for their sake and then went straight back into the bedroom after they left. The only person I'd talked to was Mary Lou and she'd spent her time convincing me to go after what made me happy. And if that meant Ranger and not Joe, she would totally support my decision, as long as she still got to drool over him.

I'd gotten sixty calls from my mother, all wondering if the rumors were true: that Joseph and I were officially broken up and what I expected to do now and to call her back pronto.

I was nursing my second cup of coffee when I decided it was now or never time and dialed up my parents- more importantly, my mother.

"Hello?" My mother answered in her usual courteous tone.

"Hi, mom. You called?"

"Stephanie. So nice of you to call me back. I mean I'm only your mother. You could've been laying in a ditch somewhere and I'd never known! If Mary Lou hadn't called me I would've been hysterical by now. How's that supposed to make me feel, huh? And what's the business with Joseph? You have another fight? Tell me this isn't true."

How can you tell your mother that you're in love with two men and breaking up with one is essential to finding out if you have enough with the other? You can't or at least you can't with my mother so I chose a different approach.

"We didn't fight, mom. We made an agreement."

My mother "Hurmphf'ed" into the phone. "Stephanie, with a man like that there is no such thing as an agreement unless you sign the marriage contract and he slips the ring on your finger. I thought you loved Joseph."

I sighed. I was trying to think of the reason why I was torturing myself this way.

"I heard that," she said. "I will expect you for dinner. I'm making a nice roasted chicken and chocolate cake."

I tried not to sigh again, "Yes, mom."

We said our "I love you's" and I disconnected wishing I could bang my head on the countertop without giving myself a headache. I supposed I should drag my sorry ass to the bonds office but had no desire to do so. I didn't want to call either but if I didn't do one or the other, Lula and Connie would send out the search party, and I didn't want to know what all that would require.

I shuffled into the bathroom and took a shower, letting the water beat the tension out of my muscles. I took extra time with my makeup to hide the dark circles under my eyes and the puffiness from crying and lack of sleep. By the time I was done, it was a vast improvement. Now all I had to do was call the bonds office.

I went back out into the kitchen and picked up the phone as I heard the locks tumble and lo and behold, Ranger walked through the threshold. I looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Ranger."

"Babe."

I placed the phone back down and crossed my arms over my chest, "You didn't knock."

He let his eyes rake over me and I suppressed the urge to shiver. What was it about this man?

He held up a key, "I don't need to knock."

I reached over the counter to take it out of his hands, "Hey! Where did you get that?"

"I have my ways."

We stood in silence until I sighed. "Why are you here?"

"Why did you do it?"

My heart stuttered, "Do what?"

He raised an eyebrow this time and I shrugged my shoulder.

"Don't play games, Babe."

"Why? Don't like it when you're on the receiving end, Ranger?" I reached down to grab my keys. I couldn't deal with this right now, "It sucks, doesn't it? I should know. You've played them often enough with me."

His hand shot out and grabbed a hold of my wrist in viper like quickness. He pulled me into him, "Don't be a smart ass. This isn't the time." He looked down at me with such intensity that it stole my breath away. All I could remember was the time he grinned at me and said, _"It's the grin of a man who loves you babe." _

"So it's true."

I nodded my head.

Ranger lifted my head back up and looked in my eyes, "Tell me why."

"Same reason we always do." I said faintly.

Ranger's hand palmed my cheek and his thumb caressed my cheekbone, "Liar."

I looked away and tried to step around him, but he was blocking me in against the counter and his body, "Believe whatever you want to. It doesn't matter."

"Try me."

"Do we have to do this now?" I mocked, remembering what he had said to me a few days ago, "Can't this wait?"

"_Stephanie,_" Ranger growled.

I yanked my hand from him, "Now you want to talk on your own time. When it mattered the other day, you were busy. I get it. I understand. No promises, no commitments. Well, that works both ways, Ranger. You can't just get your way and disregard mine, no matter what type of _relationship_ we might have." I spat the word relationship, feeling the blood in my veins start to boil. "The first time this happened, it was still too new and I was too naïve, thinking that maybe you'd change your mind. But you aren't going to be so lucky this time, Ranger. You got off too easily and I was gullable." I searched his eyes for any kind of recognition and instead I got indifference, "You think it was easy for me to watch you walk away? To listen to you _set me straight_ the day after? Boy, oh boy, you really know how to make a girl feel great about herself the next morning. I felt like you were buying me off and tell me I'm wrong."

I felt the hot tears spring into my eyes. I willed them to go away. I wouldn't cry about this. I'd made my bed, and now I was going to lie in it.

I raised my eyes to his and he met me head on, but his eyes shifted for just the slightest of seconds and I knew. I knew right then my answer. I sucked in a harsh breath, "You can't can you? The truth is a painful pill to swallow isn't it Ranger? Want to know how I know? I've been trying to choke it down for years now and I still can't do it. I still can't walk away, but I know you can. It's what you've gotten good at. You get in too deep emotion wise, and poof! you're out the door." I took a deep breath and swallowed down a sob, "And that makes me a fool. That makes me a damned fool. You want to use everything in your life as a scapegoat, you go right ahead; but don't lie to me about it, Ranger. We've known each other long enough that lying shouldn't even be something considered when you talk to me. At least give me the decency of respect if nothing else."

"I've never lied to you. Not once. I told you from the beginning-"

"No," I told him, and a frustrated laugh escaped. "You've lied to yourself and that's worse."

He seemed a little taken aback and quickly got a hold of his emotions before I saw that he lost a little of his restraint.

"This isn't about me at all." I told him, looking him in the eye, "This is about what you can get away with without me questioning it. This is you pushing the limits and boundaries to see how far they will stretch before they break. You're afraid and you won't admit it." I paused for a moment, feeling a pulsing emptiness inside. My heart hurt and it would never stop, "You've pushed your luck too far, Ranger and if that pushes you away, then so be it. I'm tired of it and I'm telling you right now. I'm tired of playing games. I'm tired of the unknown. I'm laying down all my cards right now. The next move is yours."

I pushed past him and he grabbed a hold of my arm, hauling me against him.

"You know I can't give you what you want, Stephanie."

I pushed at him. "It's an excuse," I spat. "Let go of me and leave. _Leave! Go!_ Take your excuses and call me when you can face the truth so I can tell you '_I told you so'_."

He held onto me and I lost it. I couldn't keep the tears from falling from my eyes, "Just go, Ranger. I can't do this anymore. I can face my life knowing that you walked away even with you knowing. At least I know that I gave it a shot and it wasn't my doing. But don't do this. Don't lead me on…"

His mouth crushed down over mine and stifled my gasp of surprise. He was breathing hard and with catlike grace, he backed me against the door to my bedroom, never once breaking the kiss. He was kissing me like he'd never touched me before. It was hard and demanding, but so right for the moment, his tongue plundering mine, swift and steady and his hands holding me to him. His hands slid underneath my shirt and up my back, making quick work of my bra. He pulled my shirt off and threw them both on the floor. He stood back and looked at me for only a second before he took my lips under his own again and stole my breath away.

My body was awake and tingling with the thought of him touching me, skin to skin. I tried to reason with myself, but I couldn't think past the thoughts of his mouth on me and the way this tongue felt flicking out over my collarbone much like it did on lower parts of my body nights ago.

He lifted his head and looked me in the eyes, "Stephanie…" he breathed, "babe, do you want this?"

My heart was beating so fast and as much as I wanted to say no, I couldn't. I wanted him. My body burned with the thought of it. One last time and then we'd say goodbye. He couldn't give me what I needed and wasn't willing to try; but that didn't mean I couldn't have this. I could pretend all I wanted, but reality was this. He loved me, but wouldn't change his life. I loved him and wouldn't except anything less. This could be whatever I wanted it to be and for a few hours it was going to be all I wanted and more.

_The last time…_

I had to let go after this.

_This would be the last time_.

My heart was pounding. I kicked the bedroom door open and curled my fingers into the front of his shirt. I pulled him down so that his lips were inches from mine, "More than you'll ever know."

* * *

_To be continued..._


	3. Last Gamble

Last Gamble  
_Third in the Series: Last Chance_

* * *

_It doesn't matter what I want  
It doesn't matter what I need  
It doesn't matter if I cry  
Doesn't matter if I bleed  
Feel the sting of tears  
Falling on this face you've loved for years_

_Third verse: "It Doesn't Matter" by Allison Krauss_

* * *

Chapter Ten:

I watched him walk away.

I closed the door behind me and leaned against the door. My knees buckled, unable to support all the weight that was falling down on me. I crumpled to the floor, unsure of my next move, but struggling to take a breath without sobbing. I pulled my knees to my chest and hugged myself. I was numb. I'd done the one thing I never thought I'd be able to do. I let him go and I let him go without a fight. I covered my face with my hands and took a deep painful breath.

_It was over and he was gone_.

It just kept replaying over and over again like a horrible car accident. He didn't know I was watching him walk away from me. He got up like a thief in the night, brushing the hair away from my eyes and leaning over me to brush his lips across my forehead. His lips lingered and in that moment I felt so loved and cherished that my mind just wasn't wrapping around the thought that he was gone. He was gone before he got up from that bed. Why he decided this was the best course of action, I'd never know.

But I knew this. Whatever we had had between us just wasn't enough for him. And I was going to have to accept it.

I sat on the floor with my back to the door until all the tears had dried up and the hiccups went away and then I found myself. I didn't need him. If I couldn't have what I wanted, I didn't need to accept the scraps he was willing to feed me. Ranger had done me a favor. He'd pissed me off. I can deal with being pissed off. It was how I got past the humiliation of my divorce and it was how I dealt with Joe all those years ago. Being pissed off doesn't hurt you-

It makes you get even.

* * *

Chapter Eleven:

I rolled over and looked at the clock. Damn, it was nine and I needed to get up.

It had been two agonizing months since the last debacle with Ranger. Since then he had been careful to stay away from me, and that was good. It gave me the ammunition I needed to show him just what I was made of. Thank God I was a pissed off woman. A pissed off woman could fight back and not accept even the slightest hint at defeat. If it was something you wanted, you had to fight for it. I was finally willing to admit to myself that I wanted Ranger and what does he do? He runs. So I was going to turn the tables on his little game. He wanted to be in denial? Fine, that's okay with me, but it's going to be my way. All these years, I'd been marching to the beat of his drum.

Alright Ranger, time to get a taste of your own medicine.

I wasn't normally a patient woman but to see the look on Ranger's face when he realized what was going on, was going to be priceless and well worth it.

I rubbed my eyes and glanced at the clock again, hoping that I had been wrong and I could go back to sleep, but it had been twenty minutes, and I supposed that I had stuff to do today. I had a date with Joe for pizza and the Ranger's playing on ESPN later tonight. This would be the first time we got together since we had official broke up. True to his word, he wasn't actively seeing anyone and I was slightly surprised. Maybe he'd finally gotten past trying to change me, I mused. There were no ulterior motives tonight between us. When Joe had called to see if he could see me, he just mentioned there would be no pressure, he just wanted to see me. And at first I'd told him no and he seemed to accept it. He was in denial. I should know. I'd been there. But last night he'd called me again and asked once more. Just pizza and beer. The Ranger's game was going to be on and Mooch had cancelled on him last minute. Was it an excuse? I figured it was and I agreed after we'd talked for a while. It was weird to be in this spot with Joe. In a way, I felt like I'd lost a part of me in a way by cutting him off. But I would never grow up if I didn't change something in my life. I couldn't be a part-time girlfriend to Joe and be in love with Ranger. If life worked out that way, it would be perfect. But nothing in life is perfect and every decision that you have to make is a tough one. I loved Joe. But I wasn't in love anymore and that was a problem I had to deal with on my own.

I got up, did the shower thing and then the make up thing. Once that was done, I debated whether I was passable, but I figured I wouldn't be seeing anyone that would comment overly much seeing how Connie was on vacation and Lula knew better by now. I could wear my hair in a ponytail and put on ratty old sweats and Joe wouldn't notice as long as I was handing him a beer. Kinda nice and really sad if you thought about it, which I didn't like to, hence the denial issues.

I shuffled into the kitchen, walking by Rex. His little black eyes followed me eagerly as I went straight to the refrigerator and pulled out a couple of grapes. I dropped them into his cage and he scooted out, shoving one in his pouch and packing the other one off to the soup can. With the extent of my mother duties accomplished for the morning, I fixed myself a cup of coffee and ate a couple of poptarts. I took one more glance around, grabbed my pocketbook and headed out the door.

* * *

Chapter Twelve:

The bonds office had been relatively quiet since Connie had been away. The office was different without her and I didn't like being here without her. I missed her snide comments to Vinnie, the slimball and Vinnie seemed to miss her as well, which I didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing in Connie's favor.

Lula was sitting in Connie's desk chair, thumbing through an old Cosmo she'd found at the bottom of Connie's desk drawer.

I took another donut out of the box and shut the lid, pushing them away from me. It was my fourth. My mother was right, I needed Donutaholics Anonymous.

"What's up for today? Wanna go after Jason Morgan?" Lula asked, flipping to the next page, "I could ride shotgun. I don't have anything going on."

Melvin walked out of storage and grabbed a donut, "I, uh, hope it's okay," he said to Lula, holding up his donut and she waved a perfectly manicured hand in his direction.

Melvin pulled open a file drawer and started pulling files and Lula leaned forward. "To tell you the truth, I gotta get out of this office. I'm going nuts here. If it's not for Melvin, it's Vinnie with his sick, weird shit. Yesterday I heard pig noises in there, and I ain't going there. Nuh-uh. Once Joyce showed up-"

I held up a hand to stop her, "I get the picture." I rummaged around in my pocketbook for the file on Jason Morgan and tossed it onto the desk for Lula. "He seems like a pretty easy catch and grab for me. Just a tampering charge. He can't be all that bad-" Lula gave me a sideways look, "But you can ride if you want." I finished.

She hopped up out of her chair and grabbed her knock-off Prada bag, "Let's get this show on the road. I'm ready to kick some ass!"

No sooner had we got into the Mini that Lula started in on me. She slid her eyes to me and looked me over. I knew she had something on her mind, but I was going to let her speak her piece before I started to deny, deny, deny. I had made the mistake of telling her about Joe asking me over to his house and Lula was convinced he was up to no good. Back to his wicked ways.

"Ranger was in the office this morning. Have you seen him?"

"Nope," I said, my hands gripping the steering wheel a little bit harder than necessary. I pulled out onto Hamilton and followed it northbound. "Haven't seen him."

"I know that look. That's the look of a pissed off woman." Lula said, tsking. "If he pissed you off then just tell me and I'll let it go. Well, I mean I'll go down there and give him a piece of my mind. Then, I'll let it go. Batman or no Batman, the man is confusing."

I stopped at a light and shot Lula a look, "This isn't high school. I can take care of myself."

Lula snorted, "If that was possible, you'd done it by now." We were both silent for a minute, and I was mulling over her words. Had I been a doormat to Ranger like Joe was to me? Someone to walk all over until it wasn't convenient for them anymore and tossed them out without another glance? "Steph you are one of the best people I know. But you are blind as a bat in the daylight. You know what I see when I see Ranger look at you?"

"A piece of ass?"

Lula shook her head sadly, "You just don't get it. I've never known anyone to do the things he's done for you and the both of you act like nothings goin' on. I tell you. It's like an electric storm when you two are near each other. Connie and I have been noticing it for years, we were just wondering when the both of you would finally get the hint and take action. Instead, the both of you act gun shy and walk away. I'm tired of it. I told Tank the other night that I need to do something for you because if I wait for you to take action we'll be in the grave."

I sucked in a deep breath and the light turned green. "You talk to Tank about this? What's he say?"

"He says it's the damnedest thing. You two. He's known Ranger a long time and he's never know Ranger to act this way unless there is something in it for him. And other than you loving him and him loving you, we can't think of a single thing the two of you have in common."

I felt my temper spike up a notch, "We have plenty of things in common." I snapped.

Lula gave a snort of laughter, "Oh yeah? Like what?"

I thought about it for a minute and decided I'd better keep my mouth shut; I could be mysterious too- Well when I wanted to be, "That's for me to know." I huffed.

"Sure it is." Lula said, pulling out her cell phone. "I'm going to call Tank and ask him. He'll know."

I swerved into the other lane trying to get Lula's cell phone, "Stop that!" Lula said, smacking at my hand. She was stiff-arming me and I was trying to steer the Mini without going into the concrete barrier.

"Cut it out!" I shouted, weaving into the other lane, "Gimme the phone! Don't call Tank!"

Lula stuck her arm out the window and hit the speed dial, "Jesus, this is embarrassing," I moaned.

Lula gave me a look and smiled when Tank's voice boomed on the other end, "Hello, suga. I've got a question."

Lula was silent for a moment and I could hear Tank ask her if she was alright, "I'm fine. I'm with Steph picking up a skip but that's not what I wanted to ask you about. What's something that Steph and Ranger have in common?"

They were both silent and I felt my cheeks burn bright red. I was going to murder Lula in her sleep, I thought. As soon as I bought more bullets for the Sig. But then I'd have to get rid of the evidence-

"Exactly," Lula said, "I couldn't think of anything either. Well I know of one thing-"

I launched myself over the console and grabbed for the phone, "Alright. That's enough fun at my expense." I didn't even say bye to Tank as I disconnected the phone. I gave Lula an exasperated look. "I can't believe you!"

"What?!" Lula said, with a feigned shocked look on her face, "Oh, come on. Tank ain't going to say anything. He was just as stumped as me. Besides I think it's all that mushy, cute-love stuff and more."

I rolled my eyes, "Ugh, I can do without all that. I get enough of that crap from Valerie and Albert at dinner. Last night I almost upchucked my Pineapple Upside Down cake because they can't go more than five minutes without expressing their love for each other. I'd like to get through one dinner without Oogie Woogums being said."

I pulled up to another light and pulled out the file on Jason Morgan, "Can you read me the address again?"

"Don't try to change the subject at hand, white girl." Lula said, waving her fingernail at me. She yanked the file out of my hands and tossed it on the floorboards, "So what's up with you and the crew? I told you not to go over to Joe's house tonight and you've already went against your better judgment-" I gave her a look, "like I said, better judgment and agreed. If you were smart, you'd call him back and say you had a date with someone else."

"I can't do that. I agreed to see him. End of conversation. I don't know why I even told you in the first place."

Lula narrowed her eyes, "I'm trying to keep you from making a huge mistake."

"Well don't. I'm perfectly capable of making up my own mind."

"No. You're not. Otherwise you'd made it a long time ago." Lula replied back, looking at me with a determined look in her eye. "What you need is a plan."

"I have a plan."

"No. What you have is called a disaster."

I felt like pulling over onto the shoulder and pulling my hair out. Instead, I had to settle for rolling my eyes. A lot.

"He knows. Doesn't he?" Lula asked. She just wasn't letting up, I told myself. I figured after the first few times of me telling her to leave it alone she would've gotten the hint by now.

"Who knows what?"

"Stop avoiding the subject. This is how you got into this in the first place. All that denial- It's not good for the soul."

"My soul is just fine and I'm going to see Joe tonight. Nothing you say now is going to change my mind. In fact, the more you try to get me change my mind, the more determined I'm going to be."

Lula rolled her eyes, "I don't know how you're mother doesn't wring your neck."

I gave her a look and almost smiled, "It's called ironing."

* * *

Chapter Thirteen:

We were walking up the sidewalk to the tiny yellow house owned by Jason Morgan and Lula was still yammering about Ranger.

"What's the plan?"

I took the steps two at a time and hopped up on the porch, "We knock on the door and I'll give him my card. If that doesn't work, I imagine that I'll end up with some sort of food substance on me, you'll pull out your Glock and then Tank will have to be called to meet us down at the PD to bail us out."

"God save your soul! I'm not talking about this shit-for-brains skip. I'm talking about Ranger and Morelli."

"Will you give up that up for five seconds? Please? I'm trying to do my job."

I reached out to knock on the door and Lula grabbed my arm, jerking me away from the door. "This is more important than this two bit skip. You can do this any day. Today is the day for planning. You need a good plan. Tell me you've been planning this since day one. That would make me feel much better."

I rolled my eyes, "Okay. I've been planning this from day one."

"Don't lie to me."

"You just said-"

Lula crossed her arms over her chest and tapped her foot on a loose board, "I know what I said. And I know that you're a fibber. You're gonna go over to Morelli's tonight and get laid and forget all about trying to make Ranger see the error of his ways. If I've seen it once, I've seen it a million and one times. Something about Morelli gets you all hot and bothered like a teenager and you forget what you went there for."

I smiled and it turned a little nostalgic, "We've had some good times…"

"Pfft!" Lula huffed, "You best be remembering all those times when you were so pissed off at him you could spit fire. There are two things you do well with Morelli and neither of them are something I'd write home to mama about."

I gave her a sideways look. "Can we do this some other time? We're standing on the porch of a skip."

Lula shrugged her shoulders and rummaged around in her purse, "I better get the Glock ready. I can already tell it's gonna be one of those days."

I rolled my eyes, "It's not going to be one of those days."

I turned and knocked on the front door. No sooner did my knuckles graze the wood, did the door swing wide open and I stood toe to toe with the prettiest man I'd ever seen.

I blinked my eyes a couple of times and I heard Lula huff, "Now I've seen everything."

"You're not him." The man said in a rush. He was wearing black satin pants and a white button up shirt unbuttoned with ruffles on the ends of the French cuffs. He was striking, in an unreal way, "I got all prettied up for him and you're not him. I'd know. You look like a girl." He looked me over and frowned, "What's up with that hair? Honey, you gotta do something with that hair or you'll never get a man."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "You Jason Morgan?"

He put his hand on his bony hip and sighed, "Where is he?"

Lula pushed me aside, "Where's who?"

"Tall, dark and handsome. Sin in the flesh. The most droolworthy man known to mankind." Lula and I both stared at him and he rolled his eyes, "Don't tell me you don't know who I'm talking about." He pointed at me, "I heard all about him and how a curly haired moppet, who must be you by the looks of things, were bounty hunters and came after people who did bad things. Well I did something bad. I took everything that Hudsy told me to take and burned it before the hotties in uniforms could find it. That should get me to him. I went out of my way to make sure I'd have the chance to get my hands on him and now he's not here. Where is he? I must see him."

"Ranger?" Lula asked, "You talking 'bout Ranger?"

"Honey, I don't care what his name is. If you say it's Ranger, then that must be him. If he's lickalicious…" Jason went all dreamy eyed and I shot Lula a look, "I've heard all about him from Hudsy." Jason looked from Lula to me, his green eyes pleading, "Now, darlings, tell me what to do to get him. Can you call him to come here?"

I dug through my pocketbook for a card, "You see it really doesn't-"

"Wait just minute." Lula interrupted. She grabbed my arm and pulled me away from Jason, "What's it gonna hurt to call Ranger and make this guy's day?"

I gave Lula a look, "Have you lost your mind? I can't call Ranger! Not for this!"

"Just tell him you have a situation. He'll come if he thinks you're in need for help."

I looked at Jason and turned back to Lula, "Are you freakin' nuts? Ranger will think I've lost my mind, not to mention he'll get even. And Ranger is a helluva lot more devious than I could ever be on my baddest of days."

"What? You scared you might actually have to do something you want to do?"

"I'm not scared. But I'm not nuts either. I'm not calling Ranger. End of story. I'm taking Jason downtown and having him rebooked. Then I'm taking my money and getting me a big ass margarita for even having to do this today."

Lula smiled, "What about Morelli? Already forgot about him?"

I threw my hands up, "Shit. I just can't win today." I turned back to Jason, "This is the thing, Jason. My name is Stephanie Plum and I'm representing Vincent Plum Bail Bonds today. I've been sent to escort you back to get you rebooked and on your way again."

"Where is this Ranger?" Jason asked me, crossing his arms over his chest. His bottom lip popped out and trembled, "I don't want to go back to jail. I just want to see this Ranger. Hudsy got to see Ranger. Now why can't I?"

I searched the recesses of my brain. Why did Hudsy seem so familiar… Ah ha! "You mean, Hudson Grey? Who put the heel of a stiletto between the eyes of the Patrick Dempsey look alike? That's why. He had to put up more bond money to get out of jail." I shrugged my shoulders. If I had my choice between me and Ranger, I'd choose Ranger too.

"It's alright. I know you'll fix this," Jason said. He lowered his eyes and a faint smile creased his face, "Hudsy's always had a touch of the Irish temper. It's really rather cute that he get so jealous after all these years. I just needed to make sure he still loved me. We're getting married next month. Isn't that just the thing?" He gushed.

Lula and I exchanged looks. Can you say psycho?

"Anyway, I want to see this Ranger. Do you think he'd want to strip at my bachelor party?"

Lula snorted and I coughed. I thought that there was no way in hell that Ranger would do it, but Lula nudged my arm and I knew instantly what she was thinking. I should call Ranger and be damned of the consequences. "I'm not his keeper. I don't know what he has on his calendar. Listen, can we sort this out on the way to the PD. I can call the office and they can get you rebonded as soon as we get there. You won't even have to wait around."

"There's a big boy margarita with Steph's name on it and then she's gonna go tell Mr. Wrong to take his magic stick and fly to Tijuana and _not_ take a one last joy ride for the sake of old times." Lula said, piping up. She looked quite pleased with herself and I gave her my best Burg stare, which wasn't too hard considering the circumstances.

"Oooh!" Jason squealed, "Honey, I'll be like Dr. Phil. You tell me the problem and I'll solve it."

"She'll never admit to it." Lula said with a sad little shake of her head, "She's in denial."

"_I am not_!" I snapped.

"Oh, darling. That doesn't sound good. You tell Mr. Jason all about it. I'm good at this sort of thing."

I turned on my heels and left the two of them on the porch. "I'm not going to listen to this. I'm going to call Vinnie and tell him to meet me down at the Police Department. Are you two comin' or what?"

"Is she always like this?" Jason asked Lula, linking arms with her.

"Only when she doesn't get laid by Batman." Lula replied and I started saying my prayers. I'll give up donuts, I told God. I'll stop fibbing to my mother about looking for another job. I'll even start coming to church at least once a year. Well, other than Christmas mass. Just let this day end. Soon. And without me shooting someone or ripping out my own hair.

"Batman?" Jason asked, intrigued. "Do tell."

I yanked open the car door. I'd had enough, "Ranger."

He stood staring at me a moment, until it finally dawned on him, "I knew there was a catch. All the gorgey ones are straight. Damn and double damn my luck. It's such a waste of man." Jason moaned and Lula shook her head.

"I'll tell you all about it and you can take my side."

I rolled my eyes heavenward. This was going to be a long ride.

"I tell you, that's what you have to do. You have to show him that he needs you. Look how well it worked for me. Hudsy realized that he needed me once he didn't have me anymore." Jason said, leaning between the seats and smacking Lula on the arm, "Tell her. That's just what the Doctor ordered."

I had my blinker on to turn into the cop shop, but traffic was preventing me from ending my torture.

Lula gave Jason a look that rivaled a Burg stare, "What's wrong with you? Don't be smacking the big mama. I'll put a cap in yo ass faster than you can scream for help."

"No one is putting a cap in no one's ass." I said, sighing. "I don't want to make Ranger need me."

They both stared at me.

"Yeah you do. You want him to need you on your back, against the wall, in the shower-" Lula said and Jason smiled, "Girl. You are so bad."

"You know it."

"Listen," I said, "I appreciate the advice, but I think I can take care of this myself."

"I told you," Lula said, "She's a stubborn one. Neither one of them will listen to reason."

"Then you should lock them up and throw away the key. Tell them they can come out when they realize that they are both making asses of themselves."

I slid Jason a look, "You wanna run that by me again?"

"It's so sigh-worthy and you aren't even giving it another thought." Jason said, with a stage sigh, "I can see the look in his eye now as he professes his love for you and gets down on bended knee to tell you how much he can't live without you and how he realizes that his love goes deeper than the ocean. He's your true love. You're soul mate and you're going to throw that all away on this man. Morelli." Jason spat and turned his nose up, "I don't like this man. He's not worthy of you."

"Amen, sister." Lula said.

"Joe is a good guy." I said, coming to his defense. "He's done a lot of growing up over the last few years."

"He sounds boring."

"He's predictable."

"He knows me. He knows us." I said. "Besides. I love Joe. Nothing wrong with that. I'm just confused. That's all. I thought that a break between Joe and I would help and I would know what to do with Ranger. But Ranger doesn't want me permanently in his life the way I want to be and I understand that now. There is just one thing I have to do for myself as closure before I close that chapter in my life."

"There is no us between you and Morelli." Lula said, looking me in the eyes. "Isn't that what he told you and you've told me. I thought there was no titles between you two. Did I get that wrong?"

I gave Lula a look that shouted that she wasn't helping me.

"Oh, honey. Are you friends with benefits with this Morelli?" Jason said with a shake of his head, "You know what that means."

"Why are you two trying to talk me out of Morelli? I'm going over for pizza and beer. Not the end of the world, earth shattering, balls to the wall sex you both seem to be fixated on."

Jason fanned himself and that seemed to shut them both up.

I was creeping forward, about three car lengths from pulling forward into the lot. I was still praying. I'd be a better person. I wouldn't eat the last piece of cake after dinner. I would stop swearing at old people driving 20mph in the fast lane. Just let me get into the parking lot.

"I still think you should go after Ranger. He's your destiny." Jason said, leaning back. "I mean if I can't have him, I can see no reason why you can't."

"Well I can't have him. So forget about it." I said to the both of them and finally turned into the PD parking lot. I parked in a handicapped parking and sent another prayer up to keep my car from being towed. I'd spied Vinnie's Cadillac parked in a 15 minute parking space and turned to Jason, "Come on. Vinnie's already here. Can Hudson pick you up?"

"Honey, Hudsy can do anything. He's magic."

I smiled before I could stop myself and Lula caught me, "Some say Ranger's magic. How 'bout it, Steph. You think he's magic."

Ranger was magic alright- from his head straight down to his toes. "Nope."

"Liar," They both said simultaneously.

I took Jason in the back way and was in and out in 45 minutes- a new speed record for this time of day. I didn't see Joe. Carl had said that he was out looking over a crime scene where they'd found four gangstas annihilated over on Comstock. I stood on the steps, watching as Jason skipped down the steps to Hudson's silver Audi. Hudson rolled down the window and waved, "I hope there's no hard feelings about the last time, sugar. You come by some time and I'll fit you for a pair of shoes. My treat."

I nodded my head but really I shouldn't. It had to be against some code of ethics or something for bounty hunters. But I could just look… right? "Sure."

"Think about what I said." Jason said, looking at Hudson adoringly, "Look. I have the man of my dreams."

Lula and I waved goodbye and they sped out of the parking lot. I looked to Lula, "Now what?"

"Well if I got my way, you'd call Ranger and tell him how you really feel because I know you haven't done it yet."

"What is this? Dr. Love hour? I'm not going to call Ranger and profess some childish puppy love crap to him. He doesn't care and he doesn't have time for it."

"Now you see? This is the kind of attitude that doesn't get you anywhere. It gets you a Joe for life. He's like a big drooling Bob. If you rub his tummy and give him beer he's happy. You can't be happy with just that. I know you well enough to know that. No matter what your mama says. You aren't like Valerie and you're never gonna be."

I was well aware of that fact, but I'd never heard Lula talk that way. "What's with you today?" I asked her, walking towards the Mini, which was blessedly still in my handicapped parking. "Something's up."

"You're miserable and I don't like it," she said climbing into the passenger seat, "Ever since that whole thing went down between you and Ranger you haven't been yourself. You never said what happened."

She was right. I'd told Mary Lou in a fit of desperation and we had just sat in silence after I was done my crying and ranting. She told me to follow my heart no matter how much it hurt. That it would be worth it in the end. I wasn't so sure about that now. "We had a talk. End of discussion."

"Alright. I get it. You think you can't tell me because I sleep with the hunk of burning love."

I shook my head. "It's not that. I just don't want to talk about it. I want it to be buried and gone. It wasn't one of my finer moments and I just want to forget it."

"Well what did you expect? Ranger to roll over like Morelli? You know better than that. You gotta work for it if you want it."

"I know."

"Then what are you waiting for? Divine intervention?"

I shot her a look.

"Making him jealous ain't gonna do the trick."

"I know."

"Going to see Morelli ain't going to do it either."

I nodded, "I know."

Lula threw her hands up, "Well?" she said, "Spit it out then!"

"I gotta show him what it's like to be on the other side."

"And just by curiosity, how are you going to do that?"

"By doing the same thing he did to me."

Lula thought about this for a moment, "But you ain't seen him in two months."

"I know."

"You ain't talked to him either."

"I know." I sighed. I knew that all too well. As much as I didn't want to admit it to myself, I missed him. A lot, actually.

"Then how in the hell-" And then it dawned on her and she tapped her temple with a fingernail, "Oh, girl. You're sneaky. You think this is actually gonna work?"

A strangled giggle escaped from my lips and shook my head, "Not really. But it's all I got."

"Tank's said that Ranger's been in an awful temper lately. He even raised his voice to Tank and Tank's said he ain't heard that in five years."

"That doesn't have anything to do with me though. Ranger's the epitome of calm, cool and collected."

Lula shook her head, "Not anymore."

* * *

Chapter Fourteen:

I thought about this all the way from the bonds office back to my apartment. Even in the shower my mind kept wandering back to the idea of Ranger's feathers getting all ruffled. It's what I wanted, right? I wanted him to know what it felt like to be me. Even though I'd spent the majority of the time with Joe and bouncing back and forth between making an actual decision and flirting with the dark side of danger, there were still moments that if Ranger had just shown me one iota of his feelings, I wouldn't have been so indecisive.

Liar, liar. Pants on fire. I told myself.

I was afraid to be alone, truly alone like the years before I'd got mixed up with Joe and Ranger. I spent all those years after I left Dickie wanting someone to love and to love me back with some ridiculous romance novel notion of love when no such thing actually exists. When I found that I was still attracted to Joe, I thought he was my ticket to happiness, finally. To the type of life my mother had always envisioned for me and the same sort of life that Valerie was living in California. How could I not be happy with something like that, my mother would ask me.

I found out the hard way that I could never be happy like that. At least not right now. And probably not within the next century either.

I shook my head and stuck my head further underneath the steady stream of hot water. Come to find out in the beginning that Joe was just looking for a steady piece of ass and where I was as well, Joe's definition of a relationship and mine were two separate entries. I got caught between a rock and a hard place trying to make the decision if it was right to sleep with Joe when I knew it wouldn't go anywhere. It wasn't a good place to be. Over the years I'd molded Joe into someone I wanted to be with and it helped that he was finally growing up. But now I wasn't so sure I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. Not when I wasn't so sure he was the only one for me. I couldn't imagine life without Ranger. I'd lived my life without Joe and there were certain things that he brought into my life that I needed. I needed that stability that he offered. I needed to be comfortable sometimes and just relax. I didn't know if these things were possible with Ranger. I wasn't so sure about anything with Ranger. Other than I was in love with him. He never gave me that chance.

I stepped out of the shower and towel dried my hair. I slathered some gel in my hair and put some mascara on. There was no need to look like a million bucks. Not like Joe would really notice once the pizza arrived and the Ranger's game started.

There were times when I thought back to that week when Ranger was living with me. For everything that was going on, we seemed rather at ease with each other. Well, if you take away all the sexual tension between us. Ranger challenged me. That was the difference between him and Joe. When I stayed with Joe for extended periods of time, we always fought after the first couple of days. It always had to do with we were used to going our own way and when you have someone else to consider it's hard to change up your routine to fit them in. Could Ranger and I mesh a life together? Probably not. Could Joe and I? Probably not. But at least I knew my limits with Joe. Ranger just let me run away.

I slipped into a pair of jeans and a Ranger's t-shirt. I didn't want to think about this anymore. I didn't even know why I was bothering with it. It wouldn't make a difference no matter what I did. It wasn't like me to be pessimistic but I was tired of all this running. I'd be running in circles since the first time Ranger kissed me and I was done. I was going to wash my hands of all this. It was time I did some growing up as well.

I threw on my crosstrainers and pulled on my jacket. Grabbed my pocketbook without another glance and walked out the door. I needed a beer and a pizza and then I'd be set. Beer and pizza would numb my mind against all evils, including thoughts of Ranger randomly popping into my head.

* * *

Chapter Fifteen:

I was officially going to have to call my father. I was three sheets to the wind- drunk and so was Joe.

We were playing Uno and the further we got into the game, the more I realized that Joe was cheating.

He put down a green card and I was seeing double. "Hey!" I shouted. I moved the card from the top of the deck and the card underneath was blue. I rolled my eyes, "Just 'cause I'm drunk doesn't mean you should cheat. That's dirty, Morelli. Very dirty move from someone who's supposed to uphold the law."

Joe flashed me a grin and a dimple made an appearance. He raised his beer and saluted me before finishing it off, "Oh yeah? How about you laying down two or three cards at once? I s'pose that isn't cheating?"

I had to lay all my cards down to keep from dropping them. I almost had the whole deck, "That's only 'cause you cheated in the first place and took all the draw fours. You're takin' advantage of me breaking the seal early."

"I can't help it that you can't hold your alcohol."

I shot him a look and narrowed my eyes. I stood up and swayed. I caught the edge of the couch with my hand to steady myself, "I'm gettin' another beer. I haven't drowned all my sorrows yet. How 'bout you?"

Joe looked at me under heavy lidded eyes. The same look he gave me when he used to back me up against the wall and stick his hand underneath my shirt. "Nuh-uh. I know what you're thinkin'. That isn't gonna to drown my sorrows. It'll make 'em worse."

Joe caught my hand as I walked by and stopped me. I glanced down at him; the edges of my world were warm and fuzzy. I was really going to regret this in the morning. But when had that stopped me before?

We stared at each other for what seemed like eternity until Joe let go of my hand. "Can you get me another beer too?"

I knew that wasn't what he wanted to say, but I let it go. I nodded my head and went into the kitchen for more beer. I pulled the rest of the longnecks out and took them out into the living room. I handed him one as I passed by and sat one down on the coffee table. I twisted off the cap on mine and took a long pull. We both stared at the TV for a while; the Ranger's game was long over with and Sportscenter was now drawing to a close. Joe seemed to be in thought and I was trying really hard to not have any thoughts at all, other than trying to tell myself that I could hold off a few more moments on a pit stop to the bathroom.

Bob nudged his way between us and put his head in my lap. His big brown puppy dog eyes stared up at me, looking rather amused. I guess a couple of drunken adults in the living room was about as much excitement as Bob got to have now-a-days. Bob was smacking Joe in the leg with his tail and Joe kept batting it away, alternating swinging Bob's tail away and taking swigs of his beer. I started to giggle at the hilarity of it all. Joe shot me a look and I giggled even more until I hiccupped. Once I hiccupped it was all over. I was caught between tears and giggles. The more I tried to stop it, the worse it got. Until I was all out laughing and crying at the same time. I was a wreck.

Joe pushed Bob out of the way and slid down beside me. "Hey. What's up with this, Steph?"

I couldn't even look at him. God, I'd had one helluva day and the embarrassment just wasn't over yet. I shook my head and Joe put his arm on the couch cushion above me. His fingers barely brushed my shoulder and I let out a shaky sigh. I wiped my face off on the bottom of my shirt and looked up at him. His cheeks were flushed red and a look of concern was in his eyes. And I didn't feel it. That overwhelming feeling of love that chokes you up and makes your heart stutter-step; I didn't feel it at all. All I felt was fear of the unknown.

"Joe?" I whispered, "What about me would make you not love me?"

He turned his head so that our eyes met and all of the playfulness slipped from his eyes, "There are different types of love, Stephanie. As much as I want it, ours just don't mesh." He pulled me tighter to his side and his lips brushed above my ear, "And even though I love you, I won't push you to be with me when it's so obvious you don't feel the same way anymore. I meant what I said, Steph. I want you to be happy. I might not like it but I'd do it for you."

My nose started the slow burn as I tried to stop the tears and then my stomach flip-flopped. These were not good thoughts for a stomach full of beer and pizza.

"He loves you." Joe said quietly. "As much as I hate to admit it, he loves you. It makes me sick to watch him look at you knowing that you feel the same way about him. But to keep telling myself that you don't look at him that way makes me look like a fool. I might have been blind for a long time but I'm no fool." He put a finger under my chin and lifted my head up so that we were back to eye to eye, "He would be a fool not to love you Stephanie. It's impossible not to and impossible to do so."

We stared at each other for the longest time as I let him words soak in to my drunken state. I tried to take a deep breath and the weight of the world seemed to settle on my chest. I felt my stomach turn again and I pushed him away from me, hopped up and took off for the bathroom down at the end of the hall. Ten minutes later, Joe was knocking on the door.

"You alright in there?"

I submerged my face underneath the water and stayed there. This was the perfect ending to the perfectly horrible day. I shut the faucet off and patted my face dry with his hand towel. I unlocked the door and came face to face with a worried Joe.

"You know. I've never had a woman throw up at the sight of me. I don't think I like it," he said with a half smile. "Especially when it's you."

I leaned against the door frame and rolled my eyes. "You don't fool me." I said.

Joe leaned in and kissed my forehead, "You okay? You're not looking so good."

"Yeah, the pizza must've been bad."

Joe snorted and I did my best to smile.

"You wanna stay the night?"

I gave him a look and he was looking back at me with a crooked grin.

"I'll even keep my door locked to keep you from taking advantage of me while I'm sleeping." He winked, "You know how I drive you wild with just one look. It's the Morelli charm in me."

I smacked his arm. "Get a grip, Morelli." I said, moving past him. I wobbled up the first couple of steps and shot him a grin from over my shoulder, "I can pick a lock, you know."

* * *

Chapter Sixteen:

The first lights of dawn were streaming through the window in the guest room and I could hear Joe snoring in the other room. He would be laying on his back, spread eagle in the middle of the bed with the sheet low on his hips. My smile was sad as I gently leaned up in the bed, my back cracking as I stretched. The guest bed was a lumpy old mattress that had probably seen more women than the Playboy mansion. I found my T-shirt against the headboard and slipped it back on. I leaned over the side to grab my jeans and slipped them on, and then I picked my sneakers off the floor, tip-toeing to the door and cracking it open. I adjusted the shoes in my arms as I put my hand against the door and opened it slowly, making sure not to wake Joe up. Today was Saturday and he would be going downtown for a few hours to work on paperwork; but there was no reason to wake him up now. I'd call him later. Much later, I thought to myself as I moved past his bedroom and down the steps, one at a time being careful to step around the spots where I knew they'd creak.

I made it to the bottom step and Bob shifted away from the front window, soundlessly coming to my feet and looking up at me with his sad brown eyes. I scratched him behind his ear and kneeled down.

"You wanna go outside?" I asked, and his ears perked up. I went into the kitchen and grabbed the leash. I hooked Bob up and away we went. We went around the block a couple of times and by the time we made it back to Joe's house, the sun was starting to come up. I opened up the door and let Bob in and he wandered into the kitchen. I wandered aimlessly behind him, reaching into the pantry to get a couple of scoops of dog food for him and left him be. I searched around for my pocketbook and finally found it behind the couch. The Uno cards were still scattered over the coffee table, the pizza box still on the floor and the countless beer bottles lined up on the end tables. I started to walk out, but I could hear my mother's voice ringing in my ear and it was making me nauseous so I collected all the bottles and took them into the kitchen trash. Next was the pizza box and I did my best to crush it and stuff it in the trash can along with the beer bottles. The Uno cards were easy to take care of; I just stuffed them back in the box. Bob eyed me from his warming spot on the floor as I walked past him. I locked the door behind me and moved out to the Mini. I needed the cure. In a bad way.

I cut a U-turn and headed back to Hamilton. The drive-thru was crammed pack this time of morning with soccer mom's and fast food junkies, so my wait was long and tiresome. I ordered my food and searched around in my pocketbook for the spare change. I'd practically dumped my purse out looking for the spare change, when I noticed a note where my money normally was when I had some. On top of the money was a post-it note in Joe's sloppy scrawl.

"You can't have the cure without money." I said out loud and shook my head. Joe could be great when he wanted to be. I'd definitely have to call and thank him later. That was the save of all saves.

I handed the money over and took my food. I pulled out of line and sipped my coke and ate a handful of fries. I motored back out into traffic a lot happier and much more sane than I had been when I pulled in. By the time I pulled into my parking lot I was feeling closer to being among the living and parked beside Mrs. Karwatt's Buick and the dumpster. I swung out of my Mini and went upstairs. The smells of breakfast wafting down the hallways and making me wish for pancakes and hot maple syrup. Maybe later I'd go to the store and make some, I thought as I stuck my key and unlocked my apartment door. I stepped in and tossed my pocketbook onto the counter and came face to face with Ranger. I bounced back and felt my temper flare.

"Why are you here?"

Ranger looked me up and down, "Morelli happy to see you?"

"What's it to you?" I crossed my arms over my chest and instantly dropped them down to my sides. "You haven't talked to me in two months and that's the first thing out of your mouth? You've got some fucking nerve."

The corner's of his mouth quirked and I had a flash of regret from what I just said. But I held my ground. "Why are you here? It's six-thirty in the morning."

"I was going to ask you why you weren't here, but you answered my question without it having to be asked."

"Save your bullshit for someone who gives a rat's ass, Ranger. For someone who's acted like I haven't existed for the past two months, you sure are all in my shit this morning. Who died and made you my father?"

I turned away from him and went to the fridge. I needed something. Water, soda, a gun. Anything.

Ranger pinned me with my stomach against the fridge door. "It didn't last long."

I turned and pushed against him, but Ranger didn't budge, "What didn't last long? The fact that you walked out of my life or the fact that I don't operate the same way you do."

Ranger gave me a look and if I were any other person, I would've pissed my pants. "The fact that Morelli let you walk back into his life like nothing happened between us."

"Nothing happened between us, Ranger, _because there is no us!_" Something flashed in his eyes and I ignored it, "You made goddamn sure that I knew that when you snuck out in the middle of the night!"

Ranger moved against me and my body lit up like a Christmas tree. I fought the urge to grind my teeth. Damn it. My hormones roared to life and every nerve ending tingled. "You can deny it all you want to, _Babe_, but something happened." His knee brushed between my legs and all I wanted to do was lean my head back against the refrigerator door and let him work his magic. But that's what he wanted. He wanted me to forget all about being pissed off. Well, it wasn't going to work this time.

"Yeah." I said, "You fucked me." Emotionally and in every possible way, I added silently to myself. I was so fucked that I didn't know what to do with myself.

He looked like I'd slapped him across the face but he didn't move away. I stuck my finger in his chest, "And you can deny _that_ all you want to but that happened."

I pushed him off of me and he leaned against the kitchen counter, staring me down until I was to the point of fidgeting, "Either state your business or get out. I'm tired of arguing with you over something you'll never do anything to change. It's always something with you that drives us apart. Why is that?"

He shrugged his shoulder and I pointed to the door. "Get out, Ranger. I don't have to put up with this."

"So you've said, Stephanie," he said locking eyes with me. "Was it worth it?"

"Was what worth it?"

"Climbing back into bed with Morelli."

"That's what this is about? A pissing contest to see who's better?"

Ranger didn't move. The mask he wore to keep all the emotion out was slipped into place and he stared at me with those intense black eyes. I leaned against the counter beside the fridge and braced myself with my hands. I didn't like the way Ranger looked now that I was looking at him. He looked tired. His clothes were rumpled and there were dark circles underneath his eyes. The look of exhaustion.

"Why do you care?" I whispered. "You made it perfectly clear that I couldn't be a part of your life. Why does it matter what I do?"

_I just wanted to hear it one time. Without qualifiers to justify it to me or himself. I just wanted to hear him say that he loved me and that was the reason he couldn't let me go._

"Stephanie."

I looked up at him and my heart stuttered a beat.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked him quietly. I pushed off the counter and took a step into him, "If you aren't willing to admit to it, then why is it an issue?"

He was quiet and that's all the answer I needed. He was holding me in limbo, dangling me just right above the water to tempt me and snatching me away before I got a taste.

"How did you know I wasn't home?"

"I waited."

"You should've just left."

"I wanted to see you."

I fought the urge to sigh. "Did Lula call you?"

"No." Ranger moved slightly against the counter and positioned himself so that he was in the dominate stance against me. "I don't need someone to tell me when I need to see you."

"You could've called me."

"You wouldn't have answered your phone."

I almost smiled. He knew me all too well. "That still doesn't tell me why you are here."

"I've been here almost every night for the past week."

My eyebrows shot up into my hair line, "Excuse me? Can you say peeping tom?"

"You've been avoiding me."

I snorted. "You wish."

He raised an eyebrow at me and I frowned to cover up my grin.

"Why did you see Morelli last night?"

"Because he asked me." I crossed my arms over my chest, "What I do is of no concern to you."

Ranger's eyes scanned me from head to toe and I felt warm all over. If I felt this way about Joe, my life would be a helluva lot simpler.

"Babe, your patterns of behavior suck."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Ranger wrapped a hand around my wrist and pulled me into him, "It means if you went over there to get laid, he didn't do a good job of it."

I narrowed my eyes until they were just little slits of blue fire, "And if I got laid, it's none of your damned business."

He studied me for a moment, "Hair from hell. Dark circles under the eyes," He leaned into me and dropped his head to my neck. His nose brushed against the soft skin of my neck and I got goosebumps. "You smell like French fries, Babe." He brushed a curl out of my eyes and the corner's of his mouth twitched. A Ranger smile. Great. "Drink a little too much last night?"

I gave him the death glare, the best I could muster under these circumstances, "I had a rough day yesterday and an even worse night." I shook my head, "Wait. Why am I telling you this?" I yanked my hand away from him, "I'm royally pissed off at you. Stop warping my mind."

He shrugged a shoulder, "You're letting me."

I tapped my foot on the floor. This conversation wasn't going anywhere. Fast. I wasn't feeling the greatest and all I really wanted to do was lay in bed moaning about the fact that I'd drank to much the night before.

"Listen, this is great and all, but can you visit me some other time like in the afternoon or something. You haven't spoken to me in two months. I think it can wait another few hours while I take a nap."

I didn't wait for him to reply. I just moved past him and went into my bedroom. Ranger was well enough acquainted with my apartment that he could find his own way out. I stripped out of my clothes and went straight into the shower. I rinsed off and toweled off. I pulled my hair up into a ponytail and slipped on a t-shirt. I climbed into bed and in no time flat, was out for the count.

* * *

Chapter Seventeen:

I woke up sometime later very aware that I wasn't the only one in bed. A heavy arm was draped over my midsection and was curled around my hip keeping me flush against a hard body.

I knew the body quite well. It was Ranger. A very naked Ranger.

I chewed on my bottom lip. He wasn't here when I climbed into bed. I thought back. I wasn't so sure he wasn't in bed when I climbed in. I was too tired to remember. The last thing I really remembered was the shower. The shower had been heaven. I had to admit to myself that laying in Ranger's arms was a bit like heaven as well, but I knew it was too good to be true. As tired as he looked, I'm glad he'd stayed. He looked dead on his feet and even though we were having our differences, I still loved him and I still cared about him. I couldn't tell my heart to stop. If I could, I would.

I tried to maneuver myself against him that didn't fit my ass directly against his hips, but the moment I stirred against him, he woke up.

"Were you here when I climbed into bed?"

He nodded against my neck. "You climbed right in. You know, you snore really loud."

I shot him a look from over my shoulder, "You have plenty of other places to sleep. Don't mind me. This is, after all, _my bed_."

I tried to move away from him and his grip tightened. "Lay here and listen to me for five minutes, Babe, before you get pissed off and start a fight."

I sucked in a deep sigh. We laid in the quiet for a while and I could feel his heart beating against my back. He was warm and solid and everything I wanted without really wanting it. And I loved him so much I hurt from it. This is what they don't tell you about love in all those sappy romance books. Love isn't something that's easy to do. It's the most difficult thing you ever have to experience in life, especially when you fall for someone like Ranger.

"You watched me walk away."

I wasn't prepared for him to say that and it caught me well off guard. I could feel the fist size ball of unease settle in my throat.

"I've done some shitty things in my life. A lot of shitty things. And some of them have been unforgivable but necessary." He played with a curl, winding it around his finger and I felt like I was in the twilight zone. "But walking out on you was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do, Babe. I love you. But I also know that relationships don't always work out in my line of work because realistically I can't change everything in my life for you. I don't want to lose what we have because of me and I don't want to lose you because I refused to try. When I walked in here last night and you weren't here, I realized that maybe I was too late. It's not the first time that's happened and it won't be the last. But the thought of you going back to Morelli because of me, pissed me off."

His arms tightened around me and pulled me as close to his body as he could manage, "Have you given up yet, Babe?"

I laid there for the longest time. I had a million thoughts running through my head and all of them wanted to come out at once.

"It's hard to give up on someone you love, Ranger."

I laid my head on his bicep and took a deep breath, "When I realized that I loved you, I knew that it would probably never work out. If anything I was more surprised by it than anyone else. Apparently, I was the last one to find out. Like usual." I thought back to the instant I realized it and fear and sadness stole into my heart, "I never thought I'd have a chance to tell you. The moment you looked into my eyes, I thought it was going to be the last time. And I'm not willing to take that gamble again." I turned my head so that I was able to look him in the eyes, "I knew I loved you then. I'd loved you for some time. I was just afraid to admit it to myself and then I was afraid to admit it to you. But I'm in love with you."

Ranger lowered his lips to mine and his hand slid into my hair, deepening it. He licked and bit and demanded that I respond. I'd missed his mouth on mine. I'd missed him touching me, looking at me, talking to me. He was a huge part of my life and I'd missed him.

He pulled away from me and kissed me lightly, "No more denying."

"No more walking away."

"Are you ready to try? It's not going to be easy."

I smiled against his chest, perfectly at ease at just listening to his heart beat against my ear, "Nothing in life worth having is, Ranger."

* * *

_The End._

_I'm still working on WCA. Next chapter is in the works. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed this Series and WCA. I appreciate each and every review :)_

_Christie_


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